Knock-Knock (Review)

knock_knock_ver2Father’s Day eve in Los Angeles. Evan (Keanu Reeves) kisses the family goodbye as they depart for the weekend, leaving him to concentrate on a crucial project with a looming deadline.

Alone in an empty house might not be exciting to some, but as a husband and father two days of that sounds just like heaven. On the first night Evan is plowing through the work while listening to some killer tunes and enjoying a tipple…

KNOCK KNOCK!

(Meekly) Who’s there?

IT’S ELI ROTH WITH ANOTHER PAPER THIN PREMISE TO BLUDGEON TO DEATH.

Should’ve left the door shut. I’d rather be visited by religious zealots pushing pamphlets.

Alas when Evan answers the door in pitch darkness he finds two shapely young women, dripping wet thanks to the rain and yapping inanely thanks to the lazy script. They are Genesis and Bel, two flight attendants lost on the way to a party. Evan gives sanctuary from the rain and the girls take full advantage. They sample the music, the coffee, take a shower and flirt brazenly, showing very tactile tendencies. There is lots of frank sex talk and far too much touching for Evan’s liking, especially when the wife keeps calling to FaceTime him.

Evan moves chairs frequently to maintain the space between him and squishy temptation, but he never says “no”, not until he is cornered by the comely lasses promising experiences unattainable to 99% of males.

This first thirty odd minutes is compelling and – yes – quite sexy. The tale of a family man faced with unlikely temptation. The next morning brings a form of ‘buyer’s remorse’ both for Evan and us, because the best is gone.

And it has no chance of coming back.

Awkward ‘can I call you a taxi(s)’ fall upon deaf ears, with the response being the offering of more physical intimacy. Evan – now petrified of being found out – becomes more forceful and blunt, but again to no avail…

Knock Knock is the sound of Eli Roth yet again beating a simple premise to death. The entire base concept behind this film is so very stupid and illogical. So many times it should have ended, either by intervention or the mercy rule designed to minimise cinematic stupidity. Apparently Eli lives in a world without a police force or common sense.

I don’t mind violence on film. I don’t mind sex on film. I don’t mind sexy violence. I don’t mind scenes of torture. But all in their place, and FFS try to come up with a justification greater than ‘we wanted to’. This is The Strangers in short skirts and tight tops, the luna-chicks here might look better, but they are even less plausible than the random home invading dicks.

Final Rating – 6 / 10. As strange as it might be to say, this will likely remain Eli Roth’s best film for years to come. Even stranger, it was Keanu Reeves that is at least partially responsible (thanks John Wick!)

About OGR

While I try to throw a joke or two into proceedings when I can all of the opinions presented in my reviews are genuine. I don't expect that all will agree with my thoughts at all times nor would it be any fun if you did, so don't be shy in telling me where you think I went wrong... and hopefully if you think I got it right for once. Don't be shy, half the fun is in the conversation after the movie.
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