That ain’t her body!
Every guy between 13 and 40 with internet access knows that Megan Fox got her gear off when making this movie, in a media leak that I now firmly believe was deliberately made to drum up press for this movie.
Here is a film that targets the hard to get at niche market of “just too young for strip clubs” crowd.
First of all, I didn’t get Juno. A self confident teen gets knocked up and decides to make all of these supposedly adult decisions while talking like a smug idiot, and this is hilarious or witty how?
The same woman that wrote that wrote this, and really what skill is there in saying “let’s get Megan Fox into her undies and have her swim apparently naked so that the young guys will finally have a reason to go to the movies”.
Here’s a pitch for you Hollywood: Megan Fox is a hot chick who occasionally strips down and does whatever the hell else you decide to make her do for 90 minutes.
Budget – 15M.
Box office – 25M in first weekend alone.
I just made you a clear 10M before DVD sales and licensing, where is my 10%?
Disclaimer: We only have a two year window to make this film though Hollywood, after this time we will no doubt be “over” Ms Fox and I’ll have to replace her with whatever the prevailing “it” girl is at the time.
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In keeping with my above pitch:
Megan Fox is the school hot chick Jennifer in a small town named Devil’s Kettle, she is best buds with a plain girl, you know; plain because she is obviously good looking but has the misfortune of having to wear glasses.
The plain girl’s name is Needy, oh how witty. Needy is Jennifer’s doormat, always agreeing to whatever she says and going along with what she does. Needy has a boyfriend named Chip.
At Jennifer’s insistence they go to a bar so that she might get her cleavage out and fuck the band. There is a fire and many patrons die. Needy gets out but Jennifer is a little dazed, and is basically dragged into a van by one of the band who drive off taking her with them. (Fair enough, she was a groupie after all.) Jennifer shows up again in the middle of the night, hoarse and vomiting blood like a young Lindsay Lohan, apparently she is now some sort of Demon thing.
Was any of the above necessary or entertaining? Not really. There was a bunch of teenspeak that I guess might pass to some ears as witty or fresh, and the chat was saucy without ever overstepping the line, but I can’t say for a moment that I was thinking anything beyond “Gee Megan Fox is hot.”
However:
It turns out that young Jennifer must feed on flesh to sate her demonic desires, and the easiest way to wangle some alone time to enable such action is to seduce them. I’d be the first to admit though that if a Megan Fox lookalike said to me when I was in my teens “Oi you, go into the woods and wait for me.” I more than likely would have done so.
Now with reference to my pitch – Here we have the reasons they came up with for Ms Fox to get raunchy.
- No 1 – Must seduce men to feed.
- No 2 – There are no less than 3 separate slo-mo walking alone scenes focussing on Ms Fox wandering from point A to point B.
- No 3 – For some reason she ends up skinny dipping in the lake, in the leaked bit that almost caused the www’s to meltdown.
- No 4 – In an effort to keep Needy compliant Jennifer jumps on the bed with her in her boy shorts and has a little smoocheroo.
Must have taken a brainstorming session of 5 minutes to come up with those pearlers right? Sequence No 3 will ensure that 83 million teenage boys will rent the DVD to watch “alone”. But it can’t be hard to write “Get a hot chick to do hot stuff”. It reminds me of something I read about Steve Martin, when he wrote his scripts for films there were whole scenes that said “Steve does something funny.” That was it, if you’ve got the tools put them in a position to use them, thankfully for Ms Fox she carries her tools around with her.
Evidence starts stacking up that Jennifer ain’t quite right, but Needy refuses to believe, everything culminates in the finale at the end of year ball which only exists in the film so that they have something to run before the credits.
Take out Megan Fox and this is a cut rate Heathers clone. Even with Ms Fox it is still a Heathers wannabe, only with some class A silicone co-stars.
Final Rating – 6 / 10. Lightweight fluff for the teens and fans of boobies (It isn’t just me is it?). Word to the writer: Filling a script with jargon and supposedly edgy dialogue isn’t necessarily entertaining.
