Piranha 3DD (Review)

Piranha 3DD only proves just how unlikely the success of Piranha 3D was, after all this lamentable piece of crap is really what such a stupid concept deserves.

We were spoilt by Piranha 3D, Piranha 3DD is itself spoiled.

With Lake Victoria now a deserted ghost town the ‘action’ moves to a water park in Arizona, which is awaiting its grand re-opening as a T&A theme park by Chet (David Koechner) unbeknownst to step-daughter and minority owner Mattie.

This justifies scads of nudity, as a bunch of interchangeable bikini stuffers strut about in front of the panting lads who would gladly stuff the stuffers.

Nothing dramatically different to the set up to Piranha 3D granted, but please believe when I tell you the two films sit poles apart. All of which can be summed up in one statement; “Piranha 3D was an unexpected delight, Piranha 3DD is one of the more painful films that I have sat through for a long time”, (and more evidence that director John Gulager is a talentless hack).

Everything here is a desperate search for a hook or notoriety, the main ‘talking point’ is so obviously foreshadowed that it is 10 minutes before it arrives, only to be so much less than your imagination promised. There is a shot by shot rip-off of a sequence from Slither, two or three more sequences that can best be described by asking ‘why?’ and a grab bag of well known actors who obviously agree to projects before perusing a script, Gary Busey, David Hasselhoff among them.

As for callbacks to the first film, we have a regrettable Ving Rhames reappearance that was maximised in the trailer and Christopher Lloyd returns as the ‘wacky’ scientist. Oh and the guy with zinc on his nose and a gap in his teeth is back, dunno what they would have done without him…

I’m done talking about this, but can I leave by comparing the centrepieces of each film? Where Piranha 3D’s finale looked like thousands of teens trying to escape a piranha frenzy, Piranha 3DD looks like six guys splashing in a pool with a few shoddy FX limbs thrown about and some has-been and never-were actors waving frantically to distract the eyes from the amateur effort onscreen.

Final Rating – 3.5 / 10. You’ll laugh, but only from frustration as to how badly this crap misses the mark.

P.S. The absolute tragedy of it all is the name recognition and poster will guarantee this crap turns a profit. Where there are horny teens, there is a way – even if you don’t deserve to find it. In this case especially if you don’t know where to find it.

About OGR

While I try to throw a joke or two into proceedings when I can all of the opinions presented in my reviews are genuine. I don't expect that all will agree with my thoughts at all times nor would it be any fun if you did, so don't be shy in telling me where you think I went wrong... and hopefully if you think I got it right for once. Don't be shy, half the fun is in the conversation after the movie.
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