Fatal Attraction (Review)

This time Michael Douglas does the eating.

This time Michael Douglas does the eating.

First a quick unrelated story that at least concerns another Michael Douglas movie. A decade + ago myself and TOG were all set to go to the flicks to check out the latest Michael Douglas movie “The Ghost and the Darkness” that had just been released. (Looking at imdb it must have been about 1996.)

Our boss, (we worked together at the time) came in one Monday and said that he had gone over the weekend, we said don’t spoil it for us but was it OK?… And he replied.

“Well it was a bit slow until Michael Douglas gets eaten, then it was alright.”

Given that he had basically told us what must have been a massive plot point, that of the main guy on the cover getting eaten, we never did go to the cinema to watch The Ghost and the Darkness, and in the 13 years since I have never seen it. I did rent it once and took it home with every intention of watching it at last, but the DVD (first one in years) simply flat out refused to play. I took that as Karma and have never tried again.

In fact, to this day whenever we are discussing movies if someone asks “How was X?” the reply is often “Well it was a bit slow until Michael Douglas gets eaten, but then it picked up”.

For a season our basketball team was even called “Michael Douglas gets Eaten”, in honour of our boss’s gaff. (Thanks Leon!)

But I digress: Michael Douglas doesn’t ever seem to get a lot of credit for his acting, it seems that he is simply “there” and has been “there” for the better part of 3 decades. Put more simply, there are many Pacino fans and many De Niro fans. I myself am a Bruce Willis and Jackie Chan fan, and I acknowledge the justification for Stallone, Schwarzenegger and even Van-Damme fans. It takes all types to make a world.

Don’t know too many who proclaim themselves die-hard Mickey D fans though.

Well after watching Fatal Attraction for the very first time on the weekend I can say that Douglas was r-o-b-b-e-d of an Oscar for this performance, as acting like Glenn Close really got him fired up is one of the strongest acting jobs in history. Seriously Glenn Close in this film is pug-ugly. This film was released over 20 years ago and she looks more attractive now than she did wayyyy back then, more like “Inexplicable Attraction”…… zzzzzzinggggggg!

Nowadays if they remade this film I discussed with my wife just who would play a credible version of Alex that might make a plausible enough threat to a happy hubby. We came up with a few 40 somethings, Aniston, Berry, Hayek and Bullock, and I came up with 100s of 20 somethings and several dozen 30 somethings before my wife told me to stop, more than once as I recall. Surely there must have been a few going around 20 years ago???

But seriously folks, there is a joke that might apply here:

Q – “What is the difference between a dog and a fox?”

A – “8 beers.”

Glenn Close as Alex is at least an 8 beers with a bottle of scotch chaser, and you’d still regret your poor judgement.

I think I have made some sort of point there.

Mickey is Dan, a lawyer married to Beth. They have a little girl about 6 called Ellen and a dog called Quincy. All is well in the house, Dan’s career seems to be going gangbusters and they are contemplating a big move out of the city into the peace and quiet of the sticks. In Dan’s working existence he comes across Alex a couple of times, and when the wife and kid go away from the weekend they share a drink, some frank discussion and afterwards some bodily fluids. Lots of bodily fluids if you’re at all interested. (Too much if you ask me.)

OK so Dan was drunk and stupid and made a heeeuge lapse in good judgement, (just massive, remember the ugliness?). But for some reason he sobers up and thinks “yeah let’s do that again.” So the next night is spent as nothing less than a date, dancing, drinking and more naked ridiculousness. Dan what were you thinking??? She looks like Courtney Love! After a bender!!!

So Dan takes the morning walk of shame home, checks in with the wife and hopefully slits his wrists, wait no he doesn’t…

Alex calls him, babbles like a baby when he tells her it was just a stupid, stupid, stupid mistake on his part, and get this:

DAN GOES ON TO COMFORT ALEX! Dan you are married to a nice wife, have a young daughter and Alex is a psycho!! I know to make the movie work she needs to be a bit crackers but surely as the film goes on and she goes from a Level 1 Psycho, up through the levels (I ultimately had her around a 6, one more than the Astronaut with a nappy but one less than Jennifer Lopez on a good day) Dan doesn’t have to get stupider? Dan starts as a nice guy and by going back to her he is no less than a Level 4 Idiot himself and is partially responsible for his own predicament.

Moving on.


The movie is an accurate “Choose Your Own Adventure” story, only if at the end of every section Dan takes the option that is obviously the most ludicrous.

I am sure that there are many crazy women (and men) out there that might go to the bizarre lengths that Alex goes to, (and slitting their wrists in grief after the most brief encounter sounds bizarre to me) but for Dan to take the steps that he takes only aids her wacky crusade, and basically leads him into the situation that he finds himself in.

I like a good drama, I like a good thriller, can’t say that I am a massive fan of either genre, and not enough to put up with illogical over the top nonsense as this.

My moral: If you boil the pot of water and give the psycho a rabbit, don’t expect a good outcome for the rabbit.

Final Rating – 5.5 / 10. Yes OK this kind of thing might happen. But anyone who actually falls for this preposterous, over-the-top nonsense is perhaps dumb enough that it might happen to them. Beware animal lovers.

About OGR

While I try to throw a joke or two into proceedings when I can all of the opinions presented in my reviews are genuine. I don't expect that all will agree with my thoughts at all times nor would it be any fun if you did, so don't be shy in telling me where you think I went wrong... and hopefully if you think I got it right for once. Don't be shy, half the fun is in the conversation after the movie.
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