AKA – Asylum
Aka The Level. This is what happens when you go to the DVD shop with some scrawled names on a bit of paper and no other info.
I meant to rent a new film called Asylum that is apparently about a bunch of chicks in – you guessed it – an asylum but got this steaming turd instead.
This ultra-low budget film is not what I had in mind. It opens with some dudes grilling a tied up dude who looks like Chris Rock (and not just because he is black) for information. The Chris Rock dude is named Eddie, I’ll let him tell the story…
“So me and my similar small time dealer / enforcer guy “Rock” (not Chris) are just chillin’ when we get the call. Al our boss is missing, perhaps dead. His dumb-ass son thinks Chester done did it so we haul ass to Chester’s house and beat him up a little.
Yo Chester tells us that Al is sho-nuff dead, and that bikies did it!
So off we’s go to gets the truth. Along the way we pick up the son and this chick that he be bonin’, we shoot a couple ho’s and take them to the Asylum… you know that deserted place where we tough types take people to rough ‘em up? (No not the place where them white girls went and probably showed their titties a bunch of times, you shoulda rented that one!)
So’s me and Rock is bustin’ gums and yo Rock straight goes crazy ‘n kills the son and the bitch. Word is bond I had nothin’ to do with it.”
That’s enough Eddie, thank you. And for the record he didn’t talk nearly as much like a stereotypical rapper as I just made out, it’s just more fun to pretend he did.
The most crappy thing about this movie is the way they take the Perfect Stranger way out by making things up and changing the past as they go along in a supposed twisty way. No film if you state one thing is fact then change it that is bullshit. Once the truth comes out (and you can guess it early) you realise that you’re not going to care anyway. I sure didn’t. I’ve seen way too many of these to care, even if you put in some graphic violence which only serves to highlight the lack of budget (they might as well have put the muzzle flash effects using a flip pad with slightly different pictures).
In short this is a piece of crap. I might never actually bother looking up the other version this scarred me so bad. It is just straight up false advertising to suggest for a second that this drivel is a horror film. It is a $4 Usual Suspects without any of the features that made that film good.
Terrible acting, terrible CGI, terrible plot, and the twist only serves to show that the first 98% of the film was a total waste of time.
Final Rating – 4.5 / 10. Worst movie in a long while. I don’t care what you call it this is shithouse.
(Eddie did everything.)
