Cop Out (Review)

Never has a title been more apt…

…unless they changed it to “Bad Idea”. Or perhaps “Shit Sandwich”.

It will only infuriate me to describe this with the honesty and care that it deserves, for all the wrong reasons, so I will bullet point my thoughts.

The plot…

Jim and Paul are cops, partners of 9 years. Jim’s daughter is to be married and he must sell his valuable baseball card to finance the dream wedding and not come across as a schmuck to the daughter, ex-wife and loaded new hubby, only the card gets stolen and he must cut a deal with a criminal to get it back.

Now, my thoughts.

I have never seen…

  • A buddy-cop film where I believed less that the leads would be buddies in real life.
  • Bruce Willis phone in a performance to this degree.
  • A guy who seemed less like a cop, (and I include Marge Simpson here).
  • A Kevin Smith film where I not only didn’t laugh, I didn’t even roll my eyes at the audacity of what he was attempting. (And yes I include Jersey Girl!)
  • Such a lame premise handled with such disdain and arrogance to the audience.
  • More misguided slapstick crammed into a lousy film.
  • An action comedy without action or comedy.

Speaking of comedy. Things that they try to pass off as funny…

  • Swearing kids.
  • People copying the other guy’s sentences in order to infuriate.
  • Mistranslation of foreign languages.
  • Mistaken identity.
  • Tuff guys admitting they do non-tuff things (like knitting).
  • An adult wearing a cell phone outfit. This was soooo funny that they then parleyed the exact same idea into a bicycle chase (ha-ha!), and the subsequent debrief back in the station hours later (“He still has it on? ha-fucking-ha!).

Reasons why Tracy Morgan is the black Will Ferrell…

  • He yells every line and deliberately mumbles half of them.
  • He makes nonsensical phrases in lieu of actual jokes.
  • He makes every scene he is in 94% hammier but somehow also 95% less funny. (And he is in almost every scene here.)
  • He thinks babbling is hilarious.
  • He only has his shtick, there is no Plan B. (Fine for bit-parts, aggravating for a main role.)
  • He is not even a bit funny once you realize “Wait, that’s it, that’s all he gonna do?”.

Reasons why Bruce Willis is in Cop Out…

  • He got paid in advance and spent the money.
  • He lost a bet with Kevin Smith when making Die Hard 4.0 and this is his punishment.

(I can’t think of another one.)

Reasons why Cop Out sucks much balls…

  • Re-read the plot summary.
  • Re-read everything below it.

Final Rating – 5 / 10. When Sean William Scott is the funniest thing in the movie and you still can’t wait for him to die, something is wrong.

About OGR

While I try to throw a joke or two into proceedings when I can all of the opinions presented in my reviews are genuine. I don't expect that all will agree with my thoughts at all times nor would it be any fun if you did, so don't be shy in telling me where you think I went wrong... and hopefully if you think I got it right for once. Don't be shy, half the fun is in the conversation after the movie.
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