Hackers (Review)


So you think you caught yourself a hacker ‘eh? Here are 12 surefire things you can look for just to be absolutely sure.

  1. They provide themselves with ‘hip’ aliases; ‘Zero Cool’. ‘Acid Burn’. ‘The Plague’.
  2. They have deliberately awful hair.
  3. They are prone to wearing sunglasses in dark rooms (where ordinary people would think sunglasses unwise and inappropriate).
  4. They are instantly good at all computer games. (This one I can actually see.)
  5. They naturally gravitate toward one another. Four well known hackers come from the same high school class.
  6. They don’t walk, choosing instead to rollerblade and skateboard about the place, even while everyone else walks.
  7. They detest information on paper, derisively calling it *ugh* ‘hard copy’.
  8. They appreciate ‘killer refresh rates’ and other cool phrases that meant nothing to me.
  9. They like using products supplied by Big Corporations including Coke and Quiksilver.
  10. They don’t like sports, but constantly dress like they are about to partake.
  11. They go nowhere unless accompanied by a killer 90s techno soundtrack. (Not bad actually)
  12. They are insanely dangerous to society, and must be arrested using a forced home incursion performed by heavily armed men.

Another thing Hackers taught me is that it’s totes OK to perpetrate a great many crimes if someone else was doing it first. Also, the highly paid I.T. experts employed by big corporations are just as likely to do all of the above things, but they do it in a slightly douchey and uncool manner.

But the one thing that Hackers reinforced above all other facts, and the one thing overriding fact that I love my life by, is that ‘I COULDN’T LIKE MATTHEW LILLARD LESS IF HE WAS BASHING MY GENITALS WITH A SPIKED BAT COATED IN SALT’.

Final Rating – 5.5 / 10. Hackers, like The Net, is a film that tried to capitalise on a rapidly rising trend, only to be retrospectively proved wrong in so many ways by reality. It’s not the movie’s fault, but that doesn’t make it any less awkward.

About OGR

While I try to throw a joke or two into proceedings when I can all of the opinions presented in my reviews are genuine. I don't expect that all will agree with my thoughts at all times nor would it be any fun if you did, so don't be shy in telling me where you think I went wrong... and hopefully if you think I got it right for once. Don't be shy, half the fun is in the conversation after the movie.
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