The Net (Review)

netThe Net should be a hilariously dated vision of how far off Hollywood was in predicting the rise of technology. Instead it’s a reminder of just how far off Hollywood was in crafting an original 90s thriller.

Angela (Sandra Bullock) is a *COUGH* computer expert, a virus identifying and disposing guru on call across the developing tech industry. She is mousy, insecure and oh so vulnerable, all qualities that Bullock continues to use in her own personal marketing campaign.

When holidaying solo in Mexico, Angela lucks into a meet cute with Jack, a handsome, wealthy and charismatic Brit who shares her interests and instantly charms the vulnerability out of her and the pants off of her. Literally.

But as all mousy introspective women secretly hope; Jack was too good to be true, as is every handsome, charming self made millionaire… Probably. In ditching Angela and then subsequently trying to kill her, he robs her of her dignity, money and identity.

At this rate he will pushing it to get a second date.

Angela eventually manages to find her way home on an assumed identity, only to discover that no one in the U.S. knows who she is either. Her credit cards are blocked, her home is not her own, and it turns out being a shut in recluse with no actual friends isn’t the best move. In other news I might go outside now for the first time since Christmas.

Thanks to one small computer disc, Angela finds herself the one lone grain of sand in a huge well oiled criminal plot. And this is where the huge ‘Error 404: Common Sense not Found’ warning should start flashing all over your screen. After an elaborate plan to steal Angela’s identity, the bad guys fumble and bumble away, first teasing her for no reason beyond proving she is their puppet, then showing all of the skill and subtlety of Mr Bean in trying to do her in.

There are so many unlikely developments and decisions made, including the stroke of random luck that sees the finale take place in at an especially opportune computer convention.

Maybe this was rushed because they thought they might strike while the internet was still a ‘thing’, but regardless of the reason this seems a rush job purpose built to capitalise on the opportunity generated by Bullock’s role in Speed.

Final Rating – 5.5 / 10. The first of many mediocre films that still make money because people think Sandra Bullock’s mug on the poster is a symbol of quality. No idea why.

About OGR

While I try to throw a joke or two into proceedings when I can all of the opinions presented in my reviews are genuine. I don't expect that all will agree with my thoughts at all times nor would it be any fun if you did, so don't be shy in telling me where you think I went wrong... and hopefully if you think I got it right for once. Don't be shy, half the fun is in the conversation after the movie.
This entry was posted in Film, Movie Reviews, The Grey Area. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.