For some strange reason we have had a glut of films featuring mischievous body parts with their own agendas – or at least body related parts.
Are any of them inspired? No.
Are any of them at least touched by genius? No.
Are any of them even vaguely good? No.
Are all of them mindlessly repetitive, pointless, reliant on the same joke again and again and hoping that the promise of hilarious nudity and body humour will do most of the work? Whyyyyyyyy:
YES!
Bad Milo
So it seems Milo is an angry personal angel/demon of vengeance that emerges periodically to punish those that annoy or threaten its host. And he lives in the host’s arse.
How couldn’t that be a wall to wall chuckle fest?
The Plot
Dun-can has bad stom-ach pains
Thinks stress? Di-et? Nope…
…venge-ful de-mon in his butt
The Action
Dunc wor-ries. Mad psych says chill
Keep-ing Mi-lo calm
Keeps mur-der lev-els low-er
(But Dunc-an has stress-ful life)
In Summation
With a butt rel-a-ted plot
Exp-ect but hu-mour
But(t) you’d hope for more than this
Ken Marino does his Ray Romano after a car accident thing and tries to remain above the material. Peter Stormare revels in low-brow as the kooky psychiatrist asked to analyse the contents of Duncan’s pants. But neither are given much to work with. Even the outtakes are boring as hell.
In fact the only thing I can think of as memorable is the ‘entry – and re-entry’ scenes.
A film with a premise as ridiculous as this owes it to us to be more ridiculous. For a movie about butt-demons this sure plays it safe.
Final Rating – 5.5 / 10. Ironically it is the film that most looks like it was pulled out of a stressed out guy’s butt.
Bad Johnson
I think we all remember that Bad Milo was a butt dwelling personal hitman. So can it really be a big surprise to hear that Bad Johnson is a film where a man wishes his evil penis away, and said penis appears in the human personification of same to wreak havoc upon his former host’s personal life.
The Plot
Lech-er-ous wo-man-i-ser
Rich has no con-science
Hates that his dick runs his life
The Action
Rich wish-es his dick a-way
Un-til the wish works
And dick re-turns in guy form
In Summation
A film with no-one to like
And no jokes to laugh
Rich and dick; a pair of dicks
Rich the guy is obnoxious, vain and unlikeable – with and without his dick. His humanised pee-pee is unruly, disruptive and perpetually horny. At least it has an excuse of sorts.
The fact is I wanted to punch both of them. I wanted both of them to get caught in the zipper. Both of them to be kicked between the legs.
And I wanted to nut-punch the film when dickless dick Rich finds ‘Real Love’ thanks to him losing his pants pilot.
Final Rating – 5 / 10. When you set out to make a film about how different men are when they think with their zipper, try to show a difference when said influence is removed. This film makes me hate men.
Teeth
Our last film is just as limited and infinitely creepier, a virginal young woman finds that she has defence mechanisms in the strangest areas that ward off unwanted male attention.
The Plot
Dawn; young, cute, whole-some un-touched
Dawn has a se-cret
That is kept be-tween her legs…
The Action
Each time a gent ven-tures South
Which is quite fre-quent
A strange in-stinct takes o-ver
In Summation
Ex-act same plot con-triv-ance
Re-pea-ted of-ten
Men line up to the ‘bite cave’
Once the first male ‘advance scout’ is severed the tone is set, unfortunately when you have an area with – not to be crude – there are only so many potential visitors; there are only so many things that can happen.
Poor old Dawn is a dick magnet in every sense of the word, but a premise this thin can only be stretched so far. That said, if you ever demanded a film about a vagina biting things, then here it is.
Final Rating – 5.5 / 10. Ironic that a film called ‘teeth’ is so very toothless.
Three films. Same theme. Same lazy shtick. Same disappointing result.
OGR
