Nowhere to run… so he rode a motorbike.
This was smack dab in the middle of the “let’s try to make him a big star rather than a VHS guy”. All I can say after watching it is that they didn’t try hard enough.
In the opening scenes JCVD escapes from a prison bus, losing his buddy in the process. He goes into hiding in the woods near a supposedly remote farmhouse, where coincidentally enough Rosanna Arquette – the least known of the Arquettes – resides and takes baths with the curtains open.
Being the lesser known Arquette is probably a big slap in the face, expecially when you consider her competition is Mr Courtney Cox and ex Mrs Nicolas Cage, neither of whom ever set the world on fire.
In fact, had Rosie not been the wife of Eric Stoltz in Pulp Fiction it would be fair to say I probably wouldn’t have recognised her anyway.
(In any case she gets her kit off a couple times here.)
The kids in this film have amazing senses, in the early going JCVD sneaks into the house to find some food while Rosie is in the bath, blissfully unaware, but even in sneaky mode a Culkin hears and can tell the difference between his Mum who was just stomping around, and the footsteps of a criminal.
Later on the kid runs in to wake up JCVD, who is sleeping in a barn , to tell him that a neighbour’s home over the hill is on fire. Did the kid hear that one? Or could he smell the smoke? Is it simply a clumsy plot device? This is never explained.
So a bad corporation wants to buy Rosie’s home to raze it and develop something, no doubt something sinister, but she doesn’t want to go for some reason.
Hold on a moment while I yawn, this film is way too slow, the first 50 minutes has only one 60 second fight, and the climax of this one has another fight lasting only a couple minutes of bad, slow clumsily choreographed fumbling.
There are also more bad one liners and put downs than you could point a stick at.
1 – Why is he French?
He is French-Canadian this time.
2 – Who is he saving/helping?
A widowed Mum and her two kids.
3 – Who is the Bad Guy(s)?
A nuaghty corporation and their hired goons. The two main guys in Point 8.
4 – Does he do the splits?
No.
5 – Is he shirtless in the film?
Keeping the streak alive.
6 – Does he hold poses after the final punch/kick? (Extra points for slo-mo!)
No.
7 – Is the soundtrack full of ‘orrible cheesy toons?
No.
8 – Are there any other recognisable actors in the film?
We struck gold here. The lesser Arquette, a Culkin kid, the “Diplomatic Immunity” guy from Lethal Weapon 2, and Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs.
9 – Is there a love interest? (Or at least some tit!)
Oh yeah. Rosie unleashes her pair of white pointers..
10 – Is the damme thing any damme good?
Nah, too damme slow.
Verdict – The DVD box claims this as Van Damme’s best work. It is a long way from that in my opinion.
