2009 / 2010 Ratings Summary – OGR thus far…

Now that Oneguyrambling.com has chugged through its first full (financial) year I thought I’d look at the movies reviewed in the first 15 months or so.

Using the same rationale that I use with each review here is a quick summary of the slightly extended 2009/2010 year. You’ll see that as the scores get higher the number of films in each category grows smaller, that’s because there are far more shitty movies released each year than good ones, and unfortunately I must wade through all of them to get to the good stuff!

I short I hated/endured/watched/enjoyed/loved 327 movies over about 450 days, that’s around 5 movies per week. To further highlight the amount of time I spent on the couch daring bedsores to do their worst let’s assume the average movie length is 95 minutes give or take.

325 X ~95 = 31,065 minutes / 60 minutes = ~518 hours / 24 hours…

= 22 full days watching movies.

Having rated all 325 it just made sense to go through and work out the proportion of quality films versus trash.

In keeping with my rationale that:

  • Anything less than a 6 / 10 is wasted time.
  • A 6 / 10 or 6.5 / 10 needs at least one redeeming feature to justify the time, but such a score will rarely warrant rewatching the film.
  • A score of 7 / 10 + will generally make the film worthwhile and often worth watching again down the track, or buying the DVD depending on the actual score.

This was 2009/2010…

Wasted time

I watched 76 shitty films in 15 months, at 95 minutes per I totally blew 5 days sitting on my big blue couch!

The worst films of the year were Internet Dating (with Katt Williams, never thought that would happen), followed by Deep Rising (a laughable tacky creature feature) and Desert Heat (a hokey predictable JCVD crapfest). Test your gag reflex and give ‘em a look!

Scanning the list of sub-6s once more I can safely say the only films I may rewatch have either the presence of Jackie Chan or boobies.

In the main I stand by my “Don’t Bother Watching” recommendations.

Killing time

Assuming there was at least something minor to take away I watched 92 “MEH” films in the period, another 6 days gone! I have few re

grets having seen most of these films, but by the same token will not be watching 90% of them again.

I need some time before I face Inglourious Basterds again but I guess I will revisit it at one point to see if the bile rises in my throat once more. Ninja Assassin (enjoyable trash) and Year One (lightweight comedy) might find their way to the DVD player again.

Aside from that only Frontier(s) and From Hell would have even an argument for a potential upgrade, the remainder I would be happy enough to live another 50 years without ever seeing any of them again, (unless Jennifer’s Body came out with an R rated edition due to more nudity! What can I say, I’m a guy). I do know that with a 3 year old I will see Ice Age 3 again, that one is inevitable at one point.

Time well spent

That finally gets us to the “worthy films” section, thankfully I watched 159 of those over the year, so 10 ½ of my 22 days, basically 50%, were well spent.

Of the 159 I already own 75 of the titles on DVD, with Avatar, Black Dynamite, Cloudy with a chance of Meatballs, Kick-Ass, 9, Trick R Treat and Zombieland on the list once they hit the “on sale” rack around Christmas time.

Finally, based upon my own criteria I also watched 45 films that I consider to be “GREAT”, they were indeed 3 happy days.

The BEST films of the year by rating were, in no particular order: Armour of God, Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, Major League, Toy Story 2 and Who Am I?

I realised late that I had watched a total of ZERO 10 / 10 films this year, something I have already sought to remedy in the very near future.

The proof is often in the pudding. Was the film worth buying? So of the films I watched this year, here are the %s of DVDs that I own in my collection based upon the final rating:

  • 7 / 10               15%
  • 7.5 / 10            30%
  • 8 / 10               60%
  • 8.5 / 10            94%
  • 9 / 10               96%
  • 9.5 / 10            100%

After narrowing everything down the 325 films rated amassed a total of 2,149.5 ratings points, meaning the average

score given over the period was 6.61 / 10. Given that I start considering films as worthwhile from around 7 that’s a pretty accurate result really.

The ratings system works!!!

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Put another way…

To paint a better picture of my true feelings regarding these films, let’s consider each ticket purchased or DVD rented as a potential hook-up with a member of the opposite gender.

I am a guy so I am looking at the female species. Below is a list of the relevant films, each with its own famous female equivalent, and the accompanying next day thoughts that might apply should a hook-up with that party occur…

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Greater than 0/10 less than 6/10 – “Dear Film-maker, whatever you were trying to achieve, you fucked up.”

The “Shouldn’t have happened even if you were absolutely maggotted” section.

2/10

  1. Internet Dating

2 / 10 Internet Dating

2.5/10

  1. Deep Rising
  2. Desert Heat

3 / 10 Exorcist 2 – Heretic

3/10

  1. John Carpenter’s Ghosts of Mars
  2. Anchorman
  3. Exorcist 2 – Heretic

3.5 / 10

1.  Double Team
2.  Knock Off
3.  Sorority Row
4.  The Vanguard

4/10

  1. City Hunter
  2. The Hard Corps
  3. Jade
  4. Land of the Lost
  5. Lifeforce
  6. The Order
  7. Outback (Wake In Fright)
  8. The Spirit
  9. The Spy Next Door
  10. Versus

4.5 / 10  Freaked

4.5 /10

  1. Bitch Slap
  2. Cool as Ice
  3. The Crow: Wicked Prayer
  4. Freaked
  5. Martyrs
  6. Naked Fear
  7. A Nightmare on Elm St (2010)
  8. Not Another Teen Movie
  9. The Quest
  10. Second in Command
  11. Trailer Park of Terror
  12. The Tuxedo
  13. Vampire Diary

5 / 10 Jeepers Creepers 2

5/10

  1. The Collector
  2. Cop Out
  3. Deadgirl
  4. Doghouse
  5. Friday the 13th (2009)
  6. Growth
  7. Jeepers Creepers 2
  8. Kickboxer
  9. Killer Klowns from Outer Space
  10. Law Abiding Citizen
  11. Look
  12. The Medallion
  13. Outlander
  14. Quarantine
  15. Replicant
  16. Rob B Hood
  17. Thunderbolt
  18. The Wolfman
  19. The Woods

5.5/10

  1. A Better Tomorrow 3
  2. Clash of the Titans
  3. Cyborg
  4. Darkness Falls
  5. Date Night
  6. Deadbirds
  7. Death Warrant
  8. Eagle Vs Shark
  9. Fatal Attraction
  10. Freddy Vs Jason
  11. Full Metal Yakuza
  12. Grace
  13. Highlander
  14. The Hills Run Red
  15. Into the Blue 2
  16. I Sell the Dead
  17. Kairo (Pulse)
  18. Lesbian Vampire Killers
  19. The Losers
  20. The Myth
  21. Piranha 2: The Spawning
  22. Rush Hour 3
  23. Survival of the Dead
  24. Tokyo Raiders
  25. Underworld – Rise of the Lycans

6.0/10 – “OK, so you made a movie, do you want a medal?”

The “It’s not the end of the world, but you probably won’t call back, even if you say you will” section.

(Yes, that is Kirsten Dunst at both the 4.5 spot and the 6. I felt guilty at putting such a shocking photo of her, so I allowed her to redeem herself with a glam pic here. Not too shabby Kirsten.)

6/10

1. A Better Tomorrow

2. The Abyss

3. Around the World in 80 Days

4. Blood: The Last Vampire

5. CB4

6. Code 46

7. Daybreakers

8. Dead & Buried

9. Dead Snow

10. Defendor

11. From Hell

12. Frontier(s)

13. Heart of Dragon

14. I Am Legend

15. Ice Age 3: Dawn of the Dinosaurs

16. In Hell

17. House of the Devil

18. The Invention of Lying

19. JCVD

20. Jeepers Creepers

21. Jennifer’s Body

22. Legion

23. Legionnaire

24. The Lovely Bones

25. The Man Who Wasn’t There

26. The Ministers

27. Nico: Above the Law

28. Night of the Creeps

29. Nowhere to Run

30. Observe & Report

31. Punch-Drunk Love

32. Rec

33. Shattered

34. Star Trek (2009)

35. Stuck

36. Sudden Death

37. Surrogates

38. 12 Rounds

39. Thunderbolt

40. Vampire Girl Vs Frankenstein Girl

41. The Vampire’s Assistant

42. War (Rogue Assassin)

43. Watchmen

44. What Lies Beneath

45.  Whiteout

6.5/10 – “Not that crash hot but with one memorable or cool scene. EG: At least it had boobies.”

The “Did a couple things really well but there’s no real point hanging round after the “credits”” section.

6.5 /10

  1. The Accidental Spy
  2. Angels & Demons
  3. Big Fan
  4. Big Man Japan
  5. Bloodsport
  6. Body Heat
  7. The Box
  8. The Brotherhood of the Wolf
  9. Bruno
  10. The Crazies
  11. Crime Story
  12. Cube
  13. The Dead Outside
  14. Equilibrium
  15. First Strike
  16. Funny People
  17. Ghostbusters
  18. Hard Target
  19. Harry Brown
  20. Inglourious Basterds
  21. Judgment Night
  22. Monsters Vs Aliens
  23. Moon
  24. Ninja Assassin
  25. Not Quite Hollywood
  26. Once Upon a time in Mexico
  27. Ong Bak 2
  28. The Others
  29. The Protector
  30. Red Cliff
  31. Remember the Titans
  32. Sgt Bilko
  33. Shinjuku Incident
  34. Silent Hill
  35. Surveillance
  36. Thirst
  37. Trust
  38. Twin Dragons
  39. The Uninvited
  40. Wag the Dog
  41. Wake of Death
  42. Wrong Bet
  43. X-Men Origins – Wolverine
  44. Youth in RevoltYear One

7.0/10 – “Worth watching, let’s see what you do next.”

The”Keep your hands on this until something better shows up” section.

7 / 10 Zombieland

7/10

1. 2012

2. Alice in Wonderland

3. Bad Lieutenant – Port of Call: New Orleans

4. A Better Tomorrow 2

5. Black Christmas

6. Book of Blood

7. The Book of Eli

8. Cars

9. Dawn of the Dead 1978

10. Edge of Darkness

11. Fantastic Mr Fox

12. Fight Club

13. The Fly

14. The Forsaken

15. Gamer

16. The Gift

17. Green Zone

18.  The Hidden

19.  How to Train your Dragon

20.  Ice Age 2: The Meltdown

21.  Idlewild

22. Insomnia

23. Into the Wild

24. Kundun

25. The Gate

26. The Last Seduction

27. Madagascar

28. Mo’ Money

29. Monster Squad

30. Mr Nice Guy

31. A Night at the Roxbury

32. The Omen

33. Pandorum

34. Paranormal Activity

35. Point Break

36. Police Story 4: New Police Story

37. Pontypool

38. Project A 2

39. Raw Deal

40. Red Cliff 2

41. Red Rock West

42. Resident Evil

43. Rogue

44. Romeo is Bleeding

45. Severance

46. Shutter

47. Shutter Island

48. Splinter

49. Stir of Echoes

50. Terminator: Salvation

51. Time & Tide

52. Where the Wild Things are

53. Wolf Creek

54. Young Guns

55Zombieland

7.5/10 – “It was OK, definitely worth a look.”

The “Every right to be pretty pleased with yourself” section.

(“Below” still surprises me that it is this high, I think I am dubious at my own reasoning.)

7.5 / 10 Gorgeous

7.5 /10

1. Adventureland

2. Below

3. Black Dynamite

4. Borat

5. Cache

6. Constantine

7. Crank: High Voltage

8. The Descent 2

9. District 9

10. Exorcist 3

11. Frailty

12. Gorgeous

13. The Hangover

14. Hellboy 2 – The Golden Army

15. Indiana Jones & the Temple of Doom

16. Infernal Affairs

17. Infernal Affairs 2

18. Knowing

19. Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior

20. Maximum Risk

21. Miracles

22. Over the Hedge

23. The Prophecy 2

24. Reign of Fire

25. Reign over me

26. Renegades

27. The Road

28. Rush Hour 2

29. Shanghai Knights

30. Three Fugitives

31. Transsiberian

32. Trick R Treat

33The Warlords

8/10 The “You deserve a pat on the back from your envious mates” section.

(I would wholeheartedly re-recommend everything in this section bar I Love You, Man, which in retrospect might be happier in the 7.5s.)

8 / 10 Drag Me to Hell

8/10

1. The Adventures of Ford Fairlane

2. Alien

3. A Bug’s Life

4. Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs

5. Déjà vu

6. Double Impact

7. Drag Me to Hell

8. From Dusk Till Dawn

9. Human Traffic

10. The Hurt Locker

11. I Love You, Man

12. Memento

13. Men at Work

14. Narc

15. 9

16. Police Story

17. The Princess Bride

18. Quick Change

19. Rush Hour

20. Shanghai Noon

21. Shrek

22. Superbad

23. Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit

24. Wall-E

8.5/10 – “Now this is what I’m talking about.”

The “You may never do better… and that’s OK” section.

(I take more time considering the higher marks, so these are all about right… except believe it or not Avatar. On the small screen it may end up an 8.)

8.5 / 10 Kick-Ass

8.5 /10

1. Avatar

2. Armor of God 2: Operation Condor

3. Blade 2

4. Evil Dead

5. The 40 Year Old Virgin

6. Iron Man

7. Kick-Ass

8. The King of New York

9. Planet Terror

10. Police Story 3: Supercop

11. Project A

12. Ratatouille

13. Shaun of the Dead

14. SPL

15. The Thing

1628 Weeks Later

9.0/10 – “It’ll be hard for you to top this one.”

The “Yowzer, I’m working that story into every conversation ever!” section.

(Would happily watch these now if they were on.)

9 / 10 Session 9

9/10

1. Children of Men

2. Danny the Dog: Unleashed

3. Dawn of the Dead 2004

4. Dragons Forever

5. Finding Nemo

6. Ghost Dog

7. Hot Fuzz

8. Ice Age

9. The Incredibles

10.  Indiana Jones & The Raiders of the Lost Ark

11. LOTR – The Fellowship of the Ring

12. LOTR – The Return of the King

13. Monsters Inc

14. Police Story 2

15. The Prophecy

16. Red Heat

17. Rumble in the Bronx

18. Session 9

19. Three Kings

20. Toy Story

21. Up

22. Wheels on Meals

23Zoolander

9.5/10 “Absolutely lurrrrrve your work Sir (or Madam).”

The “Dunno how that happened, punching above your division” section.

(The numbers say these were the best films I watched last year, I’m not disagreeing with myself there.)

9.5 / 10 Major League

9.5 / 10

1. Armour of God

2. LOTR – The Two Towers

3. Major League

4. Toy Story 2

5.    Who Am I?

10/10 “Undeniable awesomeness. Perfection.”

The “Forget it, not in your lifetime” section.

About OGR

While I try to throw a joke or two into proceedings when I can all of the opinions presented in my reviews are genuine. I don't expect that all will agree with my thoughts at all times nor would it be any fun if you did, so don't be shy in telling me where you think I went wrong... and hopefully if you think I got it right for once. Don't be shy, half the fun is in the conversation after the movie.
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