Now that Oneguyrambling.com has chugged through its first full (financial) year I thought I’d look at the movies reviewed in the first 15 months or so.
Using the same rationale that I use with each review here is a quick summary of the slightly extended 2009/2010 year. You’ll see that as the scores get higher the number of films in each category grows smaller, that’s because there are far more shitty movies released each year than good ones, and unfortunately I must wade through all of them to get to the good stuff!
I short I hated/endured/watched/enjoyed/loved 327 movies over about 450 days, that’s around 5 movies per week. To further highlight the amount of time I spent on the couch daring bedsores to do their worst let’s assume the average movie length is 95 minutes give or take.
325 X ~95 = 31,065 minutes / 60 minutes = ~518 hours / 24 hours…
= 22 full days watching movies.
Having rated all 325 it just made sense to go through and work out the proportion of quality films versus trash.
In keeping with my rationale that:
- Anything less than a 6 / 10 is wasted time.
- A 6 / 10 or 6.5 / 10 needs at least one redeeming feature to justify the time, but such a score will rarely warrant rewatching the film.
- A score of 7 / 10 + will generally make the film worthwhile and often worth watching again down the track, or buying the DVD depending on the actual score.
This was 2009/2010…
Wasted time
I watched 76 shitty films in 15 months, at 95 minutes per I totally blew 5 days sitting on my big blue couch!
The worst films of the year were Internet Dating (with Katt Williams, never thought that would happen), followed by Deep Rising (a laughable tacky creature feature) and Desert Heat (a hokey predictable JCVD crapfest). Test your gag reflex and give ‘em a look!
Scanning the list of sub-6s once more I can safely say the only films I may rewatch have either the presence of Jackie Chan or boobies.
In the main I stand by my “Don’t Bother Watching” recommendations.
Killing time
Assuming there was at least something minor to take away I watched 92 “MEH” films in the period, another 6 days gone! I have few re
grets having seen most of these films, but by the same token will not be watching 90% of them again.
I need some time before I face Inglourious Basterds again but I guess I will revisit it at one point to see if the bile rises in my throat once more. Ninja Assassin (enjoyable trash) and Year One (lightweight comedy) might find their way to the DVD player again.
Aside from that only Frontier(s) and From Hell would have even an argument for a potential upgrade, the remainder I would be happy enough to live another 50 years without ever seeing any of them again, (unless Jennifer’s Body came out with an R rated edition due to more nudity! What can I say, I’m a guy). I do know that with a 3 year old I will see Ice Age 3 again, that one is inevitable at one point.
Time well spent
That finally gets us to the “worthy films” section, thankfully I watched 159 of those over the year, so 10 ½ of my 22 days, basically 50%, were well spent.
Of the 159 I already own 75 of the titles on DVD, with Avatar, Black Dynamite, Cloudy with a chance of Meatballs, Kick-Ass, 9, Trick R Treat and Zombieland on the list once they hit the “on sale” rack around Christmas time.
Finally, based upon my own criteria I also watched 45 films that I consider to be “GREAT”, they were indeed 3 happy days.
The BEST films of the year by rating were, in no particular order: Armour of God, Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, Major League, Toy Story 2 and Who Am I?
I realised late that I had watched a total of ZERO 10 / 10 films this year, something I have already sought to remedy in the very near future.
The proof is often in the pudding. Was the film worth buying? So of the films I watched this year, here are the %s of DVDs that I own in my collection based upon the final rating:
- 7 / 10 15%
- 7.5 / 10 30%
- 8 / 10 60%
- 8.5 / 10 94%
- 9 / 10 96%
- 9.5 / 10 100%
After narrowing everything down the 325 films rated amassed a total of 2,149.5 ratings points, meaning the average
score given over the period was 6.61 / 10. Given that I start considering films as worthwhile from around 7 that’s a pretty accurate result really.
The ratings system works!!!
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Put another way…
To paint a better picture of my true feelings regarding these films, let’s consider each ticket purchased or DVD rented as a potential hook-up with a member of the opposite gender.
I am a guy so I am looking at the female species. Below is a list of the relevant films, each with its own famous female equivalent, and the accompanying next day thoughts that might apply should a hook-up with that party occur…
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Greater than 0/10 less than 6/10 – “Dear Film-maker, whatever you were trying to achieve, you fucked up.”
The “Shouldn’t have happened even if you were absolutely maggotted” section.
2/10
- Internet Dating
2.5/10
- Deep Rising
- Desert Heat
3/10
- John Carpenter’s Ghosts of Mars
- Anchorman
- Exorcist 2 – Heretic
3.5 / 10
4/10
- City Hunter
- The Hard Corps
- Jade
- Land of the Lost
- Lifeforce
- The Order
- Outback (Wake In Fright)
- The Spirit
- The Spy Next Door
- Versus
4.5 /10
- Bitch Slap
- Cool as Ice
- The Crow: Wicked Prayer
- Freaked
- Martyrs
- Naked Fear
- A Nightmare on Elm St (2010)
- Not Another Teen Movie
- The Quest
- Second in Command
- Trailer Park of Terror
- The Tuxedo
- Vampire Diary
5/10
- The Collector
- Cop Out
- Deadgirl
- Doghouse
- Friday the 13th (2009)
- Growth
- Jeepers Creepers 2
- Kickboxer
- Killer Klowns from Outer Space
- Law Abiding Citizen
- Look
- The Medallion
- Outlander
- Quarantine
- Replicant
- Rob B Hood
- Thunderbolt
- The Wolfman
- The Woods
5.5/10
- A Better Tomorrow 3
- Clash of the Titans
- Cyborg
- Darkness Falls
- Date Night
- Deadbirds
- Death Warrant
- Eagle Vs Shark
- Fatal Attraction
- Freddy Vs Jason
- Full Metal Yakuza
- Grace
- Highlander
- The Hills Run Red
- Into the Blue 2
- I Sell the Dead
- Kairo (Pulse)
- Lesbian Vampire Killers
- The Losers
- The Myth
- Piranha 2: The Spawning
- Rush Hour 3
- Survival of the Dead
- Tokyo Raiders
- Underworld – Rise of the Lycans
6.0/10 – “OK, so you made a movie, do you want a medal?”
The “It’s not the end of the world, but you probably won’t call back, even if you say you will” section.
(Yes, that is Kirsten Dunst at both the 4.5 spot and the 6. I felt guilty at putting such a shocking photo of her, so I allowed her to redeem herself with a glam pic here. Not too shabby Kirsten.)
6/10
1. A Better Tomorrow
2. The Abyss
3. Around the World in 80 Days
4. Blood: The Last Vampire
5. CB4
6. Code 46
7. Daybreakers
8. Dead & Buried
9. Dead Snow
10. Defendor
11. From Hell
12. Frontier(s)
13. Heart of Dragon
14. I Am Legend
15. Ice Age 3: Dawn of the Dinosaurs
16. In Hell
17. House of the Devil
18. The Invention of Lying
19. JCVD
20. Jeepers Creepers
21. Jennifer’s Body
22. Legion
23. Legionnaire
24. The Lovely Bones
25. The Man Who Wasn’t There
26. The Ministers
27. Nico: Above the Law
28. Night of the Creeps
29. Nowhere to Run
30. Observe & Report
31. Punch-Drunk Love
32. Rec
33. Shattered
34. Star Trek (2009)
35. Stuck
36. Sudden Death
37. Surrogates
38. 12 Rounds
39. Thunderbolt
40. Vampire Girl Vs Frankenstein Girl
41. The Vampire’s Assistant
42. War (Rogue Assassin)
43. Watchmen
44. What Lies Beneath
45. Whiteout
6.5/10 – “Not that crash hot but with one memorable or cool scene. EG: At least it had boobies.”
The “Did a couple things really well but there’s no real point hanging round after the “credits”” section.
6.5 /10
- The Accidental Spy
- Angels & Demons
- Big Fan
- Big Man Japan
- Bloodsport
- Body Heat
- The Box
- The Brotherhood of the Wolf
- Bruno
- The Crazies
- Crime Story
- Cube
- The Dead Outside
- Equilibrium
- First Strike
- Funny People
- Ghostbusters
- Hard Target
- Harry Brown
- Inglourious Basterds
- Judgment Night
- Monsters Vs Aliens
- Moon
- Ninja Assassin
- Not Quite Hollywood
- Once Upon a time in Mexico
- Ong Bak 2
- The Others
- The Protector
- Red Cliff
- Remember the Titans
- Sgt Bilko
- Shinjuku Incident
- Silent Hill
- Surveillance
- Thirst
- Trust
- Twin Dragons
- The Uninvited
- Wag the Dog
- Wake of Death
- Wrong Bet
- X-Men Origins – Wolverine
- Youth in RevoltYear One
7.0/10 – “Worth watching, let’s see what you do next.”
The”Keep your hands on this until something better shows up” section.
7/10
1. 2012
2. Alice in Wonderland
3. Bad Lieutenant – Port of Call: New Orleans
4. A Better Tomorrow 2
5. Black Christmas
6. Book of Blood
7. The Book of Eli
8. Cars
9. Dawn of the Dead 1978
10. Edge of Darkness
11. Fantastic Mr Fox
12. Fight Club
13. The Fly
14. The Forsaken
15. Gamer
16. The Gift
17. Green Zone
18. The Hidden
19. How to Train your Dragon
20. Ice Age 2: The Meltdown
21. Idlewild
22. Insomnia
23. Into the Wild
24. Kundun
25. The Gate
26. The Last Seduction
27. Madagascar
28. Mo’ Money
29. Monster Squad
30. Mr Nice Guy
31. A Night at the Roxbury
32. The Omen
33. Pandorum
34. Paranormal Activity
35. Point Break
36. Police Story 4: New Police Story
37. Pontypool
38. Project A 2
39. Raw Deal
40. Red Cliff 2
41. Red Rock West
42. Resident Evil
43. Rogue
44. Romeo is Bleeding
45. Severance
46. Shutter
47. Shutter Island
48. Splinter
49. Stir of Echoes
50. Terminator: Salvation
51. Time & Tide
52. Where the Wild Things are
53. Wolf Creek
54. Young Guns
55. Zombieland
7.5/10 – “It was OK, definitely worth a look.”
The “Every right to be pretty pleased with yourself” section.
(“Below” still surprises me that it is this high, I think I am dubious at my own reasoning.)
7.5 /10
1. Adventureland
2. Below
3. Black Dynamite
4. Borat
5. Cache
6. Constantine
7. Crank: High Voltage
8. The Descent 2
9. District 9
10. Exorcist 3
11. Frailty
12. Gorgeous
13. The Hangover
14. Hellboy 2 – The Golden Army
15. Indiana Jones & the Temple of Doom
16. Infernal Affairs
17. Infernal Affairs 2
18. Knowing
19. Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior
20. Maximum Risk
21. Miracles
22. Over the Hedge
23. The Prophecy 2
24. Reign of Fire
25. Reign over me
26. Renegades
27. The Road
28. Rush Hour 2
29. Shanghai Knights
30. Three Fugitives
31. Transsiberian
32. Trick R Treat
33. The Warlords
8/10 The “You deserve a pat on the back from your envious mates” section.
(I would wholeheartedly re-recommend everything in this section bar I Love You, Man, which in retrospect might be happier in the 7.5s.)
8/10
1. The Adventures of Ford Fairlane
2. Alien
3. A Bug’s Life
4. Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs
5. Déjà vu
6. Double Impact
7. Drag Me to Hell
8. From Dusk Till Dawn
9. Human Traffic
10. The Hurt Locker
11. I Love You, Man
12. Memento
13. Men at Work
14. Narc
15. 9
16. Police Story
17. The Princess Bride
18. Quick Change
19. Rush Hour
20. Shanghai Noon
21. Shrek
22. Superbad
23. Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit
24. Wall-E
8.5/10 – “Now this is what I’m talking about.”
The “You may never do better… and that’s OK” section.
(I take more time considering the higher marks, so these are all about right… except believe it or not Avatar. On the small screen it may end up an 8.)
8.5 /10
1. Avatar
2. Armor of God 2: Operation Condor
3. Blade 2
4. Evil Dead
5. The 40 Year Old Virgin
6. Iron Man
7. Kick-Ass
8. The King of New York
9. Planet Terror
10. Police Story 3: Supercop
11. Project A
12. Ratatouille
13. Shaun of the Dead
14. SPL
15. The Thing
16. 28 Weeks Later
9.0/10 – “It’ll be hard for you to top this one.”
The “Yowzer, I’m working that story into every conversation ever!” section.
(Would happily watch these now if they were on.)
9/10
1. Children of Men
2. Danny the Dog: Unleashed
3. Dawn of the Dead 2004
4. Dragons Forever
5. Finding Nemo
6. Ghost Dog
7. Hot Fuzz
8. Ice Age
9. The Incredibles
10. Indiana Jones & The Raiders of the Lost Ark
11. LOTR – The Fellowship of the Ring
12. LOTR – The Return of the King
13. Monsters Inc
14. Police Story 2
15. The Prophecy
16. Red Heat
17. Rumble in the Bronx
18. Session 9
19. Three Kings
20. Toy Story
21. Up
22. Wheels on Meals
23. Zoolander
9.5/10 “Absolutely lurrrrrve your work Sir (or Madam).”
The “Dunno how that happened, punching above your division” section.
(The numbers say these were the best films I watched last year, I’m not disagreeing with myself there.)
9.5 / 10
1. Armour of God
2. LOTR – The Two Towers
3. Major League
4. Toy Story 2
5. Who Am I?
10/10 “Undeniable awesomeness. Perfection.”
The “Forget it, not in your lifetime” section.