It takes a while to get there but a Stargate is a door to another dimension. Once we do eventually arrive though, it feels like an eternity.
The government found it. The scientists and archaeologists decipher it, and of course the army hijacks it, with Kurt Russell switching his Executive Decision side to go from ‘expert for hire’ to ‘hardened career soldier’. This time it is James Spader’s turn to be ordered around despite all of his knowledge, as Dr Daniel Jackson the master of ancient languages.
Regardless, they all go through the ‘gate and instantly learn that the Stargate is broken. They just don’t make multi-dimensional portals to last.
This new world seems eerily reminiscent of how the ancient Egyptian culture is depicted onscreen. It’s a sandy environment with a clear caste system and new fantastical beasties, though they don’t do a great deal.
Somehow this film makes the concept of space jumping to another universe the most drab and dull prospect imaginable. In fact practically nothing happens for the better part of an hour, until Jaye Davison arrives late in the film to put the dangerous in androgynous.
About time too, because this mystical alternate dimension was getting boooooor-ring. I didn’t wait twenty plus years to half watch a film I knew I wasn’t going to love to learn a lesson in social niceties and the subtle politics of fictional cultures!
Adding insult to injury is the depressingly lazy ‘everybody wins’ ending. I don’t actually mind the concept of universal success, but here it just feels like none of the victorious parties deserve to share in the spoils of my sadness.
Final Rating – 5.5 / 10. In an alternate universe this is probably decent. Not this one.
