*Man with guitar shuffles in. Sits down. Never looks up. Starts clumsily strumming acoustic guitar.*
“Gather round and let me tell the tale of Ricky-Oh
Who found himself in a predicament that’s sticky (Oh!)
Now I ain’t a rhymer so this might get a little tricky (Oh!)
But you’re on my website so no point in getting picky (Oh!)
Thrown in jail, with five bullets still in his chest
Ricky knows he is nothing like the rest
With four guys playing the role of deadly pests
We’ll see if our hero can pass the toughest test
Wash board abs, square shoulders, beautiful hair
To say Ricky is an unstoppable Adonis is more than fair,
When he punches, kicks and gouges all with considerable flair
Nothing to do but munch chips, drink beers and settle into your chair
Break it down! *Picks guitar* Plonk. Plink. Screech. Plang.
He’ll punch a hole in your head. He’ll tear your throat up.
He’ll leave you bleeding. Near dead. Your spirit will float up.
Buried alive for seven days, he quickly rose up.
With nothing more than some grit and grime, and a thirst for justice.
As ridiculously silly as Evil Dead, and somehow cheaper looking
It’s still a guilty pleasure when Ricky gets cooking
Awesomely cheesy effects and gore like they were made by a kid
You’ll still be astonished by all the crazy stuff Ricky just did
(Especially if you treat this like an excuse for a drinking game,
Which is where I think this film might have found its fame)
BIG FINISH!
Hey Ricky. Ho Ricky. Go punch a hole in a 50 foot wall. Because…
Because… you can probably punch a hole in a 50 foot wall.
*whispers* Because you can do anything Ricky.”
*Hunches over. Spent. A single tear rolls down his cheek.*
Final Rating – 7 / 10. You’ll either hate every second or love it to bits, but you won’t soon forget the ninety minutes you spend with Ricky-Oh.
