Clowns are scary, but this film does its darndest to instead surmise that they are merely unfathomably boring.
Kent saves his son’s birthday from tragedy when the scheduled clown no-shows, by arriving in full harlequin garb and mugging his way into everyone’s heart.
Phew. That was close.
So total was Kent’s exertion that he falls asleep still wearing the borrowed suit. He awakens somewhat embarrassed the following morning still wearing the wig, nose and makeup, and is even more perplexed when his initial efforts fail to remove any of those things. Scissors only leave him bleeding and the gaudy suit intact. Removing the red nose only leaves his ordinarily not red nose, red… and bloody.
Kent tracks down the suits previous owner and receives a chilling directive “Whatever you do, don’t touch the costume!” Good advice maybe, but a bit late – and very fucking unlikely.
And more from some guy named Bert: “Ummm, you’re turning into a demon clown. Don’t worry, I have the full mythology right here.”
Peter Stormare plays Bert, and he tries to add gravitas and plausibility to this bullshit, just like Michael Park does in Tusk. The result is the same: a terrible case of rolled eyes and constant mutterings of *SIGH* “Really?”
So Kent sits in a room for days while his family and friends worry, showing up occasionally to see that he has transformed just a little further. No one can tell what is happening. They cannot even come up with a possible theory for Kent’s evolution.
Here’s a theory: HE’S CLOWNIFYING FUCKERS!!!!!!
Oh and you bet your sweet ass there’s a finale at an amusement park.
Clown was hailed as the film that would make you terrified of clowns. Instead it only made me hate them, and those people who claimed that this would scare me or entertain me one bit.
Final Rating – 4 / 10. Worst new horror film to come along in at least a couple years.
