Pain and Gain (Review)

pain_and_gainAnyway. True story. Ish…

Daniel Lugo (Mark Wahlberg) is a Miami personal trainer with delusions of grandeur. Surely a man with such brains and finely toned deltoids deserves more? He’s the wannabe beefcake Wolf of Wall Street in waiting, only less.

One skill Daniel does have is the power of his own self-belief. The unwarranted aura of assured future success exuding from his pores attracts easily lead individuals like Lynx does fine honeys – or so advertising would have us believe.

It isn’t long before Daniel has conscripted fellow personal trainer Adrian (Anthony Mackie) and Paul (Duane Johnson), an ex-felon turned straight religious man, and Daniel convinces them that the path to financial success runs through the opulent homes of others. Despite the brotherhood borne of unlikely aspirations, the only things these men have in common are big muscles and small brains.

And the trio embark upon what eventually becomes a series of elaborate, yet poorly conceived, crimes, each one leading them to another, and further down into a hole dug deeper by their own ineptitude.

One baffling and annoying technique was the use of ‘musical narrators’, I mean every few minutes someone else gets the turn to explain themselves over the action, like comic book thought bubbles for those incapable of actual thought. When a two plus hour film feels the need to continually fill us in on the motivations and acts of the cast, maybe the plot needs fine tuning?

The film is surprisingly linear and giant robot free. Unsurprisingly it isn’t that great, although there is always a dark sense of amusement from watching people fail, even those that seem destined to from the first step. In fact there is so much stupid on display here that it only seems right that Michael Bay is at the helm, in what is a low budget ‘art film’ by his standards.

(I find it hilarious that this film is ‘based upon magazine articles’. I mean Michael Bay was hardly going to base a multi-million dollar film on something as impractical as a book right? Not after a four film and counting franchise inspired by a range of kid’s toys.)

Mark Wahlberg is channelling his role from the underrated The Big Hit, that of a well meaning simpleton. The Rock exudes misspent charisma as Paul, the man who sees crime as his best chance of going straight, and Anthony Mackie tries to steal scenes in what is essentially a third banana role. Tony Shalhoub and Ed Harris get involved on either side of the initial crime, but don’t worry, they get their turn to narrate their scenes too…

Pain and Gain is the reality show character who is obnoxious and calculating from the start, only you can’t help but hate them for the right reasons. Michael Bay has a unique skillset, he can make nothing look like expensive nothing, and craft a ‘comedic’ scene with no actual jokes. It is the strength of his convictions that can occasionally convince you that there is something meritorious in the emptiness. It is in this way that Bay and Daniel Jugo have much in common, both feel they are worthy of so much more, both are inaccurate.

Only so far Michael Bay is a millionaire director, and Daniel Lugo is in prison. Many would argue that is the wrong way around.

Final Rating – 6.5 / 10. I can’t wait until Bay’s next film, will it be ‘inspired by a vending machine sticker’, or ‘inspired by a funny looking dog that I saw’?

About OGR

While I try to throw a joke or two into proceedings when I can all of the opinions presented in my reviews are genuine. I don't expect that all will agree with my thoughts at all times nor would it be any fun if you did, so don't be shy in telling me where you think I went wrong... and hopefully if you think I got it right for once. Don't be shy, half the fun is in the conversation after the movie.
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