The fifth annual summary of all the stuff what I watched this year.
Another 365 days. Another 284 films. While it might sound like I take the weekends off, it’s actually almost the opposite, with (sober) weekend evenings often being absorbed with 4 or 5 flicks.
As always I’ll assume 95 minutes a film – or 25,000 plus minutes. That’s over 420 hours or another 18 plus days of killing time unproductively.
How did my 2 and a half weeks go then?
As always I consider the usual OGR rules
- Anything less than a 6 / 10 is wasted time.
- A 6 / 10 or 6.5 / 10 needs at least one redeeming feature to justify the time, but such a score will rarely warrant rewatching the film.
- A score of 7 / 10 + will generally make the film worthwhile and often worth watching again down the track, or buying the DVD depending on the actual score.
First the good news. If we assume that films in the Grey area have some merit, about 60% of the films viewed had at least some redeeming qualities. Unfortunately that means 40% of my time was inappropriately utilised.
Given the site has been running for 5 plus years almost all of my faves have long since been reviewed here, as have most of the films I kinda liked at the time. Still, about 90 odd films that were legitimately competent or better.
But which was what?
This was 2013/2014.
Wasted Time
It seems that you can’t watch lots of films without lots of crap. Another 100 odd wasted experiences (103 last year). I can think of many things to do with the week or so I spent watching all of those terrible films. The thing I would most want to do is not watch all of those terrible films…
A large number of these films were endured as part of the trilogies that I attack at times, so there are lots of numerical suffixes like Death Race ‘3’, Starship Troopers ‘3’, Critters ‘any number’.
Sure some other films were Sharknado. Some were I, Frankenstein and R.I.P.D. and The Purge. I didn’t expect Machete Kills to be great – but not nearly as bad as it was. Nor did I predict the suck that was Robocop, Escape Plan or Spike Lee’s Oldboy remake… oh…
Oh who am I kidding? It was all so… expected.
Thor 2 was the first Marvel’s Avengers film to be this lousy though. Didn’t see that coming. Spring Breakers? Over-rated. The Lone Ranger? Over-budget. Anchorman 2? I’m over it.
As far as dodgy films I would revisit – Nada. Zip. Zero. But I’d watch Bandidas if Salma had the nude scene the cover promised. Damn misleading covers.
Killing Time
Another category with similar stats to last year, another 5 or so ‘meh’ days with a few sporadic highpoints that some people would no doubt find amusing, even compelling.
These films are generally the Direct to DVD weekend filler. They don’t need to be great. They just need to momentarily distract. A couple years ago I sorted these distractions into five categories:
Skin: Black Snake Moan. Sexy Killer. Tomb Raider (you know why you watched boys)
Dumb action: 2 Guns. Wanted. Pacific Rim. Wolverine 2. Bullet to the Head.
Harmless entertainment: Red 2. We’re the Millers. Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters. The Wolf of Wall Street (not nearly as good as made out)
So-so horror: Vacancy. Red Eye. Frozen. Carriers. Insidious 2. Razorback.
So-so blockbusters: Godzilla. Waterworld. The Secret Life of Walter Mitty. Man of Steel.
I want to like Pacific Rim so bad that I’ll watch it again – but I know it will still be just as ‘meh’. Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters on the other hand cops a bad rap but is definitely better than others think. (Ditto Bats).
But that’s about it. I think.
Or… Other
Oh Excision. What to say? It was a competent film about deliberately controversial subject matter. It was well directed and well acted and in my opinion at the time ‘the viewers most likely to identify and feel something are the exact demographic that this film should be withheld from.
In other words, it isn’t a callous and grubby Hostel cash grab, but something far more insidious. I couldn’t laud it nor loathe it, therefore I refrained from a recommendation one way or other.
Time well spent
Couldn’t crack the century this year for the first time (88 flicks). A little depressing I guess but still lots of good stuff. And I upscaled a bunch of my old DVDs to Blu-Ray and watched them all once again too (which don’t count above).
So it ain’t all bad watching a bit less of the good.
The Evil Dead remake surprised on the upside. World War Z also but a little less. Monsters University was good but hardly in the league of its predecessor – nor 90% of the rest of the Pixar stables. The Conjuring was wickedly effective. The World’s End finished the Cornetto Trilogy off with a bang. And Gravity blew everyone’s mind while The Hobbit 2 showed PJ done got his groove back.
Oh, and if anyone can tell me what Upstream Color was about and why I like it so much I would appreciate it.
Her was outstanding. The Muppets were Most Wanted and Captain America, 300 and The Raid all got the sequels they deserved.
I’ve bought about ten Blu-Rays this year so far, with The Raid 2 so next up that my credit card is salivating in anticipation…
Greater than 0/10 less than 6/10 –
“Dear Film-maker, whatever you were trying to achieve, you fucked up.”
3 / 10
Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues
Armageddon
Bulletproof Monk
Burn Hollywood, Burn
Troll 2
3.5 / 10
Ballistic: Ecks Vs Sever
Evan Almighty
Mortal Kombat: Annihilation
4 / 10
Bloodrayne 2: Deliverance
Bucky Larson: Born to be a Star
The Cable Guy
Critters 4
DareDevil
Half Past Dead
Hatchet 2
Hell Ride
Hollow Man 2
Revenge of the Ninja
Spawn
Universal Soldier 2: The Return
Venom
The Wicker Man
4.5 / 10
Battleship
Critters 3
Frankenstein (1994)
The Island of Dr. Moreau
Madison County
Men in Black 2
Mortal Kombat
Starship Troopers 2: Hero of the Federation
The Three Musketeers
Ultraviolet
4.51 / 10
Two Moon Junction
5 / 10
Alien Vs Predator: Requiem
Animal House
Asylum
Beastmaster
Beavis and Butt-Head do America
Bloodrayne
Brain Smasher: A Love Story
Critters
Critters 2
Darkman
Darkman 2
D-Tox AKA Eye See You
Hatchet 3
Hell Baby
Hollow Man
Holy Motors
I, Frankenstein
Ishtar
The Majestic
The Man The Man Who Knew Too Little
Mutant Chronicles
Nurse
Oldboy 2013
The Passion of Darkly Noon
Pathology
Runner Runner
Spaceballs
Starship Troopers 3: Marauder
10,000 B.C.
Tin Men
5.5 / 10
Air Force One
Alien vs Predator
Bandidas
The Beaver
Behind Enemy Lines 3: Colombia
BloodRayne 3: The Third Reich
Conan the Destroyer
Cutthroat Island
Darkman 3
Domino
Escape Plan
A Glimpse Inside the Mind of Charles Swan III
Hancock
Interview with the Vampire: The Vampire Chronicles
Last Action Hero
The Lone Ranger
Love and a .45
Machete Kills
Meatballs
Paycheck
The Purge
The Relic
R.I.P.D.
Robocop 2014
School of Rock
Sharknado
Snakes on a Plane
Speed Racer
Spider-Man 3
Spring Breakers
Starship Troopers
Thor 2: The Dark World
Three Amigos
Twins
Vampire’s Kiss
Van Helsing
6.0/10 – “OK, so you made a movie, do you want a medal?”
6 / 10
Behind Enemy Lines 2: Axis of Evil
Bullet to the Head
Class of 1984
Croupier
Dark Tide
Dorian Gray
For a good time call…
Frozen
Galaxy Quest
The Game
The Great Raid
Hatchet
Insidious 2
Invasion U.S.A.
Kick-Ass 2
Lara Croft: The Cradle of Life
Man of Steel
Men in Black
The Mosquito Coast
Nightbreed
Only God Forgives
Oz, the Great and Powerful
Redemption
The Replacement Killers
Rising Sun
Sahara
Snake Eyes
Star Wars: The Phantom Menace
Universal Soldier
Vacancy
Walking Tall
Wanted: Dead or Alive
Waterworld
We are what we are (Mexico)
We’re the Millers
White Men Can’t Jump
The Wolf of Wall Street
6.5/10 – “Not that crash hot but with one memorable or cool scene. EG: ‘At least it had boobies’.”
Bats
Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon
Black Snake Moan
Carriers
Cellular
The Changeling (1980)
Cloverfield
Dead Presidents
The Glimmer Man
Godzilla
Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters
Heart Condition
The Hudsucker Proxy
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
Jack the Giant Slayer
King Arthur
K-Pax
Lara Croft: Tomb Raider
Manic
Men in Black 3
Napoleon Dynamite
The Nest
Now You See Me
The Orphanage
Pacific Rim
The Polar Express
The Raven
Razorback
Red Eye
Red 2
Riddick
The Ring Two
Santa’s Slay
The Secret Life of Walter Mitty
Serenity
16 Blocks
Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow
Sleepwalkers
Star Wars 2: Attack of the Clones
Stoker
The Strangers
2 Guns
Universal Soldier 3: Regeneration
The Village
We are what we are (USA)
The Wolverine
Rating Refused
Excision
6.7 / 10 – Missed it by that much…
Sexy Killer
Wanted
7.0/10 – “Worth watching, let’s see what you do next.”
Alligator
Another Earth
Bad Eggs
Behind Enemy Lines
Big Ass Spider
Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure
The Call
Clockers
Commando
Conan the Barbarian
Congo
Coriolanus
Crank
Edge of Tomorrow
Elysium
Get the Gringo
Harry and the Hendersons
Hart’s War
Hellboy
John Dies at the End
Killer Joe
Mad Max
Merantau
Mercury Rising
Mud
Muppets Most Wanted
My Blue Heaven
Solomon Kane
Suspect Zero
The Talented Mr. Ripley
Tears of the Sun
Trees Lounge
300: Rise of an Empire
Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story
Witness
World War Z
7.5/10 – “It was OK, definitely worth a look.”
Apocalypto
Captain America 2: The Winter Soldier
District B13
Evil Dead 2013
Frantic
Ghostbusters 2
Gladiator
The Grifters
The Iron Giant
Marked for Death
Miller’s Crossing
Monsters University
Office Space
One False Move
The Perfect Storm
Prisoners
Proof (1991)
Roxanne
The Rock
Sexy Beast
Signs
Snowpiercer
Spider-Man
Spider-Man 2
Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith
This is the End
21 Grams
21 Jump Street
25th Hour
Undertow
Universal Soldier 4: Day of Reckoning
8.0/10 “This is better.”
Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey
The Conjuring
The Departed
Desperado
Dirty Rotten Scoundrels
Fresh
Full Metal Jacket
Her
Jackie Brown
Menace 2 Society
Platoon
Romper Stomper
Twelve Monkeys
Upstream Colour
The World’s End
8.5/10 – “Now this is what I’m talking about.”
Hamburger Hill
The Hobbit 2: The Desolation of Smaug
The Shawshank Redemption
The Usual Suspects
9.0/10 – “It’ll be hard for you to top this one.”
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Gravity
9.5/10 “Absolutely lurrrrrve your work Sir (or Madam).”
*Zippo*
10/10 “Undeniable awesomeness. Perfection.”
*Reserved for Die Hard*
Game over Man. Game over. On to another 365.
OGR
