You're damn right it sucks.
I read about this film in a column on underrated movies. The article described how the filmmakers took two discontinued films and cut them together into one. I thought to myself:
“Now how the fuck did they do that and not have it absolutely suck?”
It took me months to track it down on Amazon…
The answer to my query: They can’t.
Spookies is 82 minutes long, and I mean it’s a loooong 82 minutes. After the first 10 I looked at the timer longingly hoping it would say 65 minutes had elapsed. No dice.
The plot makes no sense at all aside from a bunch of random people are thrown into a house and killed off over a night. It’s like 20 Dr Who episodes from the 70s when they had no budget, only with the scenes cut apart and thrown together with no thought as to the end result.
So why should you watch it aside from the curio of being two movies cut into one?
Well you really shouldn’t. To prove it here are some things I would hope for from a film, even a bad one:
– Laughs? No existent. It’s not even laughably-laughable.
– Scares? A grandma looking monster looks OK but is hardly scary.
– Creatures? There is an Asian-lady-spider creature thingo, and some creatures that rise from the cellar floor that are only notable for their constant farting!
– Boobies? Nope.
– Kitsch? Farty monsters again perhaps?
– Suspense? When you have no idea what is going on and could care less about the characters building suspense is impossible.
And that’s all I can be bothered writing about Spookies.
Don’t watch it.
Final Rating – 3 / 10. Being released doesn’t warrant even minimal respect. OJ was released.
