Ballistic: Ecks vs Sever (Review)

Ballistic: Ecks vs Sever is at its core a family movie. The most dysfunctional family movie ever.

Ecks (Antonio Banderas) had a family, until his wife was killed…

… By Gant (Gregg Henry), who actually didn’t kill Ecks’ wife but married her… after he told her that it was Ecks who was actually dead. Gant actually did kill…

…Sever’s (Lucy Lui) family. She is pretty pissed about it.

So Ecks hates Gant but doesn’t know it, and Sever hates Gant. Sever takes Gant’s son.

Ecks is hired to get the kid back and bring Sever in dead or alive by the government.

Meanwhile Gant wants his kid back. Gant’s wife wants the kid back, though for different reasons…

Gant hires an entirely different and far less careful bunch of nefarious types to bring Sever down. First they try to capture her, then kill her. Instead of running Sever takes them all on in broad daylight in a crowded city street. Solo Sever wins. Easily. Then walks off.

Ecks learns that his wife is not only alive but has a kid. He is told that only Sever knows where his wife is. Maybe he should have tried Facebook? After all I don’t think she would bother adopting an entirely new identity just because her husband passed away in an exploding car.

Ecks learns that the kid has a tiny microscopic killing nanobot implanted in his skin. What aren’t bullets, poisons and explosions deadly enough anymore? They seem to be in this film.

Chase, noise, shoot, chase. I think they all worked for the government at one point or other. Explosion, stunt, fight, what? I can’t believe how explosive everything seems to be in this trainyard!

This film is really as confusing as everything above suggests it might be. Someone watched Blade 83,000 times and this is the result. Unfortunately the only thing remotely close to being right is the soundtrack which is all techno-ey and stuff.

After the dust settles and the bodies are piled together for counting, a peripheral character has the temerity to label Sever thusly:

“She’s a killer.”

To which Ecks tersely and dramatically replies;

“No. She’s a Mother”.

Ummm… I’ve got news for you Ecks, she’s got no kids left and 137 confirmed kills in the past hour. She’s a killer.

That’s tantamount to me replying to claims that Ballistic: Ecks vs Sever is one of the worst action films ever with “No, it’s a great family movie”

(I have seen it twice in the past decade, both times I went away thinking that only one moment was even partially cool, and that was a single ‘falling off a tower’ stunt.)

Halle Berry has Catwoman, George Clooney had his go at Batman, Will Smith has Wild, Wild West, J Lo has her entire career…

Everyone involved with Ecks vs Sever has this mess permanently smeared across their resume. It really is the worst and most ridiculously overblown ‘family movie’ ever.

Final Rating – 3.5 / 10. The soundtrack only mostly sucks. The film is more absolute. And a guy fell off a building in a cool way…

About OGR

While I try to throw a joke or two into proceedings when I can all of the opinions presented in my reviews are genuine. I don't expect that all will agree with my thoughts at all times nor would it be any fun if you did, so don't be shy in telling me where you think I went wrong... and hopefully if you think I got it right for once. Don't be shy, half the fun is in the conversation after the movie.
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