But… that’s 4 Goblins… right?
There are films that have gone down as unintentionally hilarious examples of rank amateurism. The subjects for drinking games and the punch lines for bad jokes.
One of the most notable of these is Troll 2, an 80s shocker that has somehow consolidated its status as a hamfisted relic of filmmaking inferiority through a documentary about it entitled ‘Best Worst Movie’, a film that interviewed many of the cast, most of them bemused that the film is discussed at all in any capacity, let alone fondly and fervently.
I actually watched the doco a few years ago but never bothered watching Troll 2 itself.
That all changed last night. I now wish I had left bad enough alone, Troll 2 is indeed drinking game bad and genuinely bad movie horrendous, but for mine why ruin a good drinking session with a shitty movie?
The film begins with an all American small town nuclear family of four heading to Nilbog (population 26) for one of those ‘trading families ‘ deals that only seem to happen in movies. Along for the ride are four tag-along douches horny for love… Oh and a ghost grandpa who talks to the youngest son from beyond the grave warning him about the perils of goblins.
… Goblins. Hang on. Isn’t this called Troll 2?
In Nilbog things continue making just as little sense.
I think the prevailing rule is ‘don’t eat the luminous green food’… You could extend this to viewer rules such as ‘don’t pay attention to the atrocious acting’… Of the sheer crappiness of the costumes for that matter… And we’d prefer you to cut the special effects some slack… And of course the plot makes sweet FA sense if you think about it – even if you don’t actually.
Within 2 minutes you have all the validation that you could ever need that this film sucks. The other 93 minutes only rub it in.
Of course, if I could get those 93 minutes back I’d almost certainly almost waste them on crap like Bad Boys 2.
At one point early in the film one character delivers the following stilted line; “Goblins don’t need to justify their cruel acts”. But filmmakers should, especially the ones responsible for stuff like this.
Final Rating – 3 / 10. I don’t know about all this ‘best/worst’ stuff. The only title I can bestow is “Most egregious abuse of green food colouring”.
