Second In Command (Review)

Do I still get paid if I don't have a facial expression?

Do I still get paid if I don’t have a facial expression?

Looks like someone wanted to make a film badly enough that they didn’t care how it turned out. This is the result.

There is “civil unrest” in Moldavia, and several citizens have taken it upon themselves to try to oust the current Prez, and they aren’t averse to killing him to do it.

Enter JCVD as a US Navy Seal. First things first though, he gets dropped off to bang his reporter girlfriend who happens to be covering proceedings.

JCVD evacuates the Prez and staff from his building as the bad guys attack, taking him to the US embassy. The bad guys, unperturbed march up to the US embassy and demand his release, so that they might kill him I guess.

They take some hostages to prove they aren’t playin’. You’ll NEVER guess who!

There is a politician boofhead who wants to evac the embassy, JCVD says no. They try to evac with predictably bad results. (It’s a JCVD movie, you don’t disagree with him.)

More bad guys are coming so they need to hold the fort until the US good guys arrive.

JCVD proves that even 20 years of living among Americans doesn’t mean that your accent must improve.

1 – Why is he French?

He is an American, born in Vietnam, with a French accent. You work it out.

2 – Who is he saving/helping?

The President of Moldavia. Some Army dudes. His reporter missus.

3 – Who is the Bad Guy(s)?

Enemies of the Prez. Militia soldiers.

4 – Does he do the splits?


5 – Is he shirtless in the film?


6 – Does he hold poses after the final punch/kick? (Usually in slo-mo!)

Yep. A slo-mo knife through the neck!

7 – Is the soundtrack full of ‘orrible cheesy toons?


8 – Are there any other recognisable actors in the film?

Only Velibor Topic! Heard of him? (Neither have I.)

9 – Is there a love interest? (Or at least some tit!)

Yeah, but in a tasteful (read boring) sort of way.

10 – Is the damme thing any damme good?

Meh. Instantly forgettable.

Verdict – Low budget, low inspiration by the numbers exercise.

About OGR

While I try to throw a joke or two into proceedings when I can all of the opinions presented in my reviews are genuine. I don't expect that all will agree with my thoughts at all times nor would it be any fun if you did, so don't be shy in telling me where you think I went wrong... and hopefully if you think I got it right for once. Don't be shy, half the fun is in the conversation after the movie.
This entry was posted in Crappy Movies, Film, JCVD, Movie Reviews, Superstars. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *