Surrogates (Review)

"I wish they could've used a surrogate actor and just mailed me my cheque."

“I wish they could’ve used a surrogate actor and just mailed me my cheque.”

The other night, using my industry connections I was able to attend the premiere of the new Bruce Willis flick Surrogates. (When I say connections: My sister in law bought a fridge or something and was given a pass for two as a perk by the salesman. Don’t be too jealous, it’s just who you know kids!)

Only Bruce Willis and perhaps a select few other actors could have dragged a film like Surrogates into a cinema release. In the 30 minute drive home from the cinema I could only come up with a post Batman Christian Bale (now that he has pull), Johnny Depp and my pick Denzel Washington. I nominate Denzel as he is the only one of those three that I think may have made a more interesting version than Bruce.

This is because Surrogates is a gussied up B movie masquerading as a serious film, a Vin Diesel/Jean-Claude Van Damme low budget special but with a bigger budget that the star power of Bruce provides.

Is this a bad thing? Probably. I think I would actually have liked the film a bit more if it was a low budget film which tried a little harder, rather than the disappointment of going to the cinema to see what should really have been a weekly DVD hire. Strangely this is to me the ideal flick for a winter weekend spent in front of the telly watching a pile of DVDs, I just feel a little robbed that I had to go to the cinema to find out its failings.

How’s my form whinging at a free night out?

Surrogates will remind you of many other vaguely futuristic sci-fi films without eclipsing your memories of any of them, it is set in the near future when in a probable sign of what might come everyone has their own personal clone, or surrogate, that does all the heavy lifting involved in life for them. You simply plug yourself in and trigger the surrogate, which you control with will power or something, then lay back and see through their eyes.

The surrogates are invariably younger, fitter and more aesthetically appealing than their operator, leading to the inevitable jokes about what you might do if you were given a hotter body to control. Surrogates can be different genders and races too, so the possibilities are endless, and they are almost real in the appearance and actions too, which lead me to wonder why Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan weren’t cast in plum roles.

A surrogate does everything for you without you lifting a finger or coming to personal harm, crime (for some reason) drops an incredible amount and everyone is apparently happier. I would have thought if you couldn’t come to harm then crime would be more appealing, simply assume another identity, nick someone’s stereo and take it home!

Soooooo, at the start of the film we find out that someone has found a way to destroy both the surrogate and the operator while they sit safely at home, through a device which looks like a gun used to fire nets at running animals but is actually an advanced lasery-sorta thing. This is a startling new development which contradicts the very purpose of having surrogates (aside from nailing hotter versions of the missus), and surrogate Bruce and surrogate Rahda Mitchell take the case.

Meanwhile some parts of society haven’t taken too kindly to surrogates being so widespread, and they have set up “surrogate-free” zones called “Dread” zones (why dread is never explained, unless I missed it) in which only humans are permitted. It is easy to tell the surrogates from the humans in this world, humans are dirty and generally ugly, and surrogates are sleek and immaculate, with just-a-bit-plasticy complexion. It would have been a nervous casting call for extras I would guess, imagine being in the surrogates line and being told “sorry, you’ll have to be a human, you’re just not good looking enough!”

As these movies tend to do various things appear that lead Bruce to think something “big” is afoot, and that this isn’t your everyday clone + operator net-firing lasery-sorta thing killing in the future. He eventually finds that the target of the initial killing was actually the inventor of surrogates, named Canter, but instead his son was the victim, something Canter is none too pleased about.

Bruce then follows the trail to a dread zone in search of the murderer and in turn he is nearly zapped himself, which puts his surrogate body out of commission. As he has overstretched his authority as a cop he is given the usual ultimatum, “Hand in your gun and your badge… and we’re not giving you a new body until you come off suspension!”

So human Bruce, disoriented and blinking, heads out into the real world for the first time in a long time in his own body. I think to achieve the appropriately pasty and nervous look he simply watched pre-teens who own PS3s as they leave home for the first day of the school year. Everything seems alien to them and a little too real.

To short cut ten paragraphs of “then this happens, and then something else happens, and then that happens”, Bruce ends up finding out just who is responsible for the killing, and what is planned for the follow up, and it is up to him to decide just what he thinks is right and the appropriate action to take, leading to a finale that was OK but was hardly as shocking as it obviously thought it was.

I’m not sure what the budget for Surrogates was, but you never really see a lot of money onscreen. Bruce seems to sleepwalk through most of the film, and even in human mode seems bored and apathetic to everything around him. Human Bruce even gets the crap kicked out of him at one point and he stands up bloodied and cut to simply ask a follow up question of his assailant. There is precious little violence, no F-words and most action is of The A-Team “pow-pow Ow I got shot!” variety.

There are of course other actors, but the guy on the poster is Bruce Willis, therefore I went to the cinema to see Bruce Willis, everyone else is just window dressing.

Final Rating – 6.0 / 10. In my eyes there is no Bad-Bruce, only Awesome-Bruce, Great-Bruce or Meh-Bruce. Welcome to Meh-Bruce.

About OGR

While I try to throw a joke or two into proceedings when I can all of the opinions presented in my reviews are genuine. I don't expect that all will agree with my thoughts at all times nor would it be any fun if you did, so don't be shy in telling me where you think I went wrong... and hopefully if you think I got it right for once. Don't be shy, half the fun is in the conversation after the movie.
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1 Response to Surrogates (Review)

  1. Stickytape says:

    What a kind and generous sister-in-law you have!! 🙂

    Please write happier blogs.

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