Oooooh, A quoit man ‘e was!
Who would have thought it possible that the teen hailed as the James Dean of the 90s was only a bad haircut and a wispy mo away from being a psychopathic office worker lamenting the loss of his stapler?
Well it happened to Christian Slater, who as the overworked and undermedicated Bob MacConnell doesn’t in fact pine over a stolen metal fastener, but he does go home and talk to fish who actually talk back!
Bob is practically invisible to his co-workers, unless they are looking for someone to pin blame on or pass tasks to. Frustrated Bob plans the day that he will lay his hand upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger, loading and reloading his pistol while muttering maniacally away about his intended targets. Then the day arrives when he can take no longer…
Only on that fateful day another disgruntled co-worker proves even more proactive than he – maybe that guy’s fish gave more convincing speeches? – in any case when Bob takes the killer down post-bloodbath he manages to attract the spotlight and attention after all.
Just not for the reasons he envisaged.
Instantly a hero to the public, Bob also finds himself promoted thanks to the companies’ appreciative CEO Gene Shelby (William H Macy), lauded by his scuzzy co-workers who horribly mistreated him only days before, and lusted after by voluptuous skanks who previously threatened him harassment claims. OK only one skank, but for a guy like Bob that is all you need.
Except Bob doesn’t want this skank, he only wants Vanessa (Elisha Cuthbert). Unfortunately Vanessa was present at the shooting, and although she survived, as an total quadriplegic she openly wishes she hadn’t. Furthermore she feels that Bob should somehow remedy the whole situation…
Christian Slater’s Bob MacConnel is neither evil nor pure, merely a deeply troubled man with many issues in need of help, and certainly not prepared when things unexpectedly go his way. William H Macy is confined to a small yet pivotal role as the company CEO, and Elisha Cuthbert lets her eyes and mouth do the talking as the severely physically limited Vanessa.
He was a quiet man is not believable for even a second, but Christian Slater makes it awkwardly watchable for the most part until it all starts to unravel near the film’s conclusion. I wouldn’t for a second recommend that anyone chase this film down, but I would think that most movie lovers with an adventurous palate might find something to appreciate here, if not enjoy.
Final Rating – 6 / 10. As a film this was a 70 minute curio diluted a little by a waste of an ending, but for Christian Slater it is proof beyond doubt that he can actually act. Unfortunately the inaccessibility of the subject matter means only a few brave movie-watchers will ever know.
