Trespass (Review)

Note the frame indicating direct to DVD…

Nicolas Cage has two types of films nowadays, the ones where they try to bluff the audience with a flashy trailer and the ones where they just give up and send it straight to DVD.

Nicole Kidman only has the latter, thus the fate of Trespass was already ordained long ago.

Cage plays Kyle Miller, a high powered, high rolling, high falutin’ diamond salesman married to jaded homebody Sarah (Kidman) and father to slightly – but not really – reckless teen Avery.

Imagine nobody’s surprise when four well informed home invaders show up with guns, balaclavas and all too chatty dispositions, (I swear the supposed combatants here share more personal information and talk more than most married couples).

The invaders wants what they firmly believe Kyle gots; diamonds, cash, etc. Kyle understandably doesn’t want to give them anything.

So for an hour or so they converse in ever increasingly pointless circles. Guns are pointed at temples with such frequency that they characters become blasé with it all, someone escapes about every 5 minutes only to be caught, found or get bored and return, and Kyle and Sarah push the envelope so hard that I was praying someone would finally unload on them.

I have a 5 year old who already knows that if we threaten him with any punishment more than a few times then we are bluffing. He’s 5 and he knows this, but the invaders – and this film – are apparently oblivious to any semblance of logic or shred of realism. In fact it ignores the very laws of physics and motion.

  • Take for instance an early scene where a man dragging a very uncooperative Kyle manages to outrun a frenzied Sarah – in a Porsche mind you – gunning down the driveway.
  • Or when a shotgun blast sounds quieter than a party popper and leaves a hole in the wall the size of a tennis ball from 6 metres (anyone who ever played an FPS shooter knows this is shite).
  • Or finally when the Porsche finally gets on the open road only to crash at speed with the driver walking away unshaken…

In any case this film is standard Cage / Kidman suck and deserving of its straight to anonymity fate. I only wish that the bad guys shot them as they walked in and sat down to watch TV for an hour while Kyle and Sarah bled out. I would much rather have watched that.

Final Rating – 4.5 / 10. At least Jean Claude Van-Damme and Bruce Campbell realise that they are B list and embrace the role. Cage and Kidman are like once elite sportspeople who hang around a year or two too long and embarrass themselves. Someone oughtta tell them that they ain’t in their prime anymore…

About OGR

While I try to throw a joke or two into proceedings when I can all of the opinions presented in my reviews are genuine. I don't expect that all will agree with my thoughts at all times nor would it be any fun if you did, so don't be shy in telling me where you think I went wrong... and hopefully if you think I got it right for once. Don't be shy, half the fun is in the conversation after the movie.
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