It’s hard to reconcile just why middle aged (read: old) cinema critics must review stuff like Underworld and Resident Evil, after all they were raised on a steady movie diet of drama, period drama and costume drama. Of course a film with Vampires vs Werewolves shot in a foreign country directed by a random no-name full of explosions and killings isn’t going to appeal – especially when their kids like it.
The fact is that 99% of the target demographic of flicks like this aren’t going to read a review anyway, they will see a poster and fill the rest in on a message board.
- – See the new Underworld is out?
- – Nuh. Another prequel?
- – Dunno.
- – Might catch it on Blu-Ray.
- – Beckinsale’s back in it.
- – *Grabbing the keys now* Pick you up in 30.
The Underworld films join the afore-mentioned Resident Evil, Saw and Hostel as the most unnecessarily sequellised films around, but unexpectedly enough I found myself almost enjoying parts of this film.
The war between Vamp and Wolfie is now out in the open. BTW how did we not spot them sooner? I mean 7 foot tall vicious doggies and adorable S&M fetishists with fangs? Regardless, the realisation that two fictional races are at war brings widespread panic among us humans, leading to the old knee jerk reaction of trying to eradicate both species.
It seems that the only way all of humanity can agree is when we have something that we can all safely hate at once.
Veiled social commentary aside, after the slaughter only a few of each species remain, one of which is Selene (Beckinsale) who escapes over a decade of captivity and experimentation with a whole new perspective and opinion of human-kind.
This is the best part of the film. Now that she doesn’t have to tip-toe around avoiding humans she is given license to kick, slash, shoot and bite her way through entire squads of faceless victims. These scenes are the best in the film, the vampire / werewolf face-offs merely more CGI ‘meh-ness’. The biggest flaw in the series is actually the inclusion of the werewolves in the first place, I just openly admitted I’d rather watch the vampires slay people all day.
Once they’ve indulged in the initial transformation sequence Werewolves swiftly become such a bland and replaceable monster. When will they realise that they are the 5th wheel?
Moving on. The faceless European directors know that the two ingredients required to satiate their bum-fluff rocking, black t shirt wearing, cheezel dust clogged keyboard having emo audience is to 1/ kill a bunch of people violently and 2/ have Kate Beckinsale do it while rocking squeaky black vinyl.
Thankfully that’s exactly what happens. Vampire politics are mostly ignored, origin stories omitted and inter-species PG niceties shelved and crappy CGI generally contained in the werewolf sequences – which I’ve already clearly stated are unnecessary anyway.
That paves the way for blood, broken bones and body count at the hands of Beckinsale’s bodacious bod.
There was probably a plot. I didn’t and don’t care. Some decent actors were in it including Stephen Rea, Michael Ealy and Charles Dance, none of whom will urgently feel the urge to update the CV to make sure this appears prominently at the top.
As always this remains Beckinsale’s film and the series will die once she steps away. She is suitably surly, determined and capable of making the suit talk. She can probably act too, but while this is the pinnacle of her career we’ll never actually know.
Underworld: Awakening is the best of the Underworld films, that isn’t a good thing. But it is a thing.
Final rating – 6.5 / 10. The first film was bland but kinda promising, the second sucked, the third was unnecessary – and sucked. For better or worse this film is all of those things at times, but at least it boasts the best action in the series.
