And why not? Apples are rich in essential vitamins.
Elizabeth Halsey (Cameron Diaz) is bad. She is a teacher. She is a Bad Teacher.
Oo-er missus indeed.
Bad Teacher is a bad film.
Halsey smokes, drinks, drives recklessly, talks dirty, wears makeup and is generally anti-social. After a break up with her sugar-daddy she decides the only answer is to save up for some new tits, with which she will lay patiently behind until a suitably gormless wealthy male can take her away from all this… work.
From the very beginning of this shit film Halsey is reprehensible, unfortunately not in even a moderately amusing way. She – and the film – are about as dangerous and rebellious as Katy Perry and for me just as entertaining.
Why Cameron Diaz needs new tits to hook a man is beyond me, even if she wore a shirt that said ‘I Hate Men’ it wouldn’t be much of a deterrent, so her allegedly vile personality is hardly going to keep guys from lining up to get knocked back. Look at Kim Kardashian… (Though it must be said Diaz is a full two points lower than her late 90s prime. Hey if you put her up as a drop dead sex object you must expect honest appraisal.)
Anyway Halsey is nasty yet hot, while every teacher aside from her is an ugly nerd or dweeb deserving of only her contempt. This goes for Amy the super-nice longstanding teacher who loves her kids and her job (BITCH!) and Scott (Justin Timberlake) who is a super-nice substitute teacher from a rich family. Only Russell (Jason Segal) seems to have the ‘normal’ gene, but for some reason he actually likes the gold-digging, manipulative botch Halsey.
It’s that kind of film. The only genuine normal good guy likes the skank.
But I’ve had a gutful talking about this dross. Whoever made Bad Teacher stopped after they came up with the title and envisioned Diaz in the lead role. This was written by someone who obviously thought this was subversive, profane and controversial. They’re wrong, aside from a very early oral sex joke this is all juvenile pap, in fact compared to Bad Santa this is a Disney kid’s film, complete with an embarrassing wannabe ‘redemption’ ending that I would’ve docked points for if it weren’t for the fact that greedy old lack of quality had already eaten them all. I actually feel bad for anyone who is shocked by this.
I should have guessed when Molly Shannon popped her bulbous unfunny head onscreen that this was never going to end well, but even I didn’t contemplate a 90 minute film in which the funniest part was the name of a character: Principal Snur.
Final Rating – 4 / 10. Paul Bates appears in this film in a tiny role. Paul Bates’ only claim to minor fame is being the guy who sang She’s your Queen to be to Eddie Murphy in Coming To America. He hasn’t been heard from since,
Paul Bates would have been better served if he continued to remain anonymous.
