Babylon A.D. (Review)

Blade Runner rip off A.D.

I liked this way better when it was called Children of Men.

For an out of work mercenary lying low in Russia in a troubled future, work is work, especially when it seems to be little more than a ‘Get Item X from Point A to Point B’ package delivery. Unfortunately for Toorop (Vin Diesel) ‘Item X’ is a beautiful, young girl named Aurora and her female chaperone Sister Rebecca (Michelle Yeoh), and Point B is America, a land long since inaccessible for him for reasons undisclosed…

From the fee paid to Toorop it is immediately clear that Aurora is important, but not why. What is clear is that this young girl is different from everyone else somehow. Everyone thinks their kid is special, but Aurora could speak fluently at age 2. In 19 languages… As a handy bonus feature she also seems to know about everything in the past and present… and future.

Sister Rebecca explains that Aurora has never left the convent in Mongolia that serves as the story’s Point A. She stresses that she is innocent and pure and the Sister very much wants her to remain that way. She is more than just a ‘package’. Toorop uses his rebuttal time to point out that the route to be traveled will be hard and uncompromising – and it is evident that he doesn’t roll in the safest of sewing circles – also from the early goings it is clear that many others know that the group are in transit and have reasons of their own for wanting Aurora for themselves.

I should point out that although this film is not All Time bad it is hopelessly and quite obviously underdone – something the director pointed out, adding it is like a bad episode of ‘24’. But even if it was able to be complete it was clear that it was aspiring to be a case of “Children of Men with Leeloo from The Fifth Element”. And beefcake Diesel is no Clive Owen folks.

Half the plot of Babylon A.D. is contained in the first 80 minutes, which at best are bland and formulaic – unfortunately the film runs a mere 90, meaning half a film is clumsily and forcefully crammed into a scant few minutes.

Final Rating – 5.5 / 10. Even if I give a quality exemption for the hurried slapdash ending, while I freely admit that Babylon A.D. could actually be worse, even with proper funding and more time I can’t see how this was going to turn out much better.

And BTW: Are parkour’s 15 minutes up yet?

About OGR

While I try to throw a joke or two into proceedings when I can all of the opinions presented in my reviews are genuine. I don't expect that all will agree with my thoughts at all times nor would it be any fun if you did, so don't be shy in telling me where you think I went wrong... and hopefully if you think I got it right for once. Don't be shy, half the fun is in the conversation after the movie.
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