Disclosure (Review)

“OH HARRASS ME MR SANDERS!”

Yet another 90s film where Michael Douglas has affairs when he shouldn’t.

Michael Douglas bangs women he shouldn’t

Basic Instinct: Micky D bangs his psychiatrist and the suspect in a high profile murder case – both of whom had a lesbian affair years prior. Micky is nearly killed multiple times, and is also the victim of having to hear dialogue like “she got the magna cum lauda pussy done fried your brain”.

And we all got to see Sharon Stone’s hoo-ha…

Fatal Attraction: Successful business dude and family man Micky D bumps (literal) uglies with Glenn Close who can’t take ‘not while I’m sober and have my eyesight’ as an answer and threatens him, his family and his career.

She also proves that she doesn’t even have the redeeming feature of being a great cook with her poorly prepared meal of boiled rabbit.

Disclosure: Micky D kinda bangs the momentarily hot Demi Moore, who threatens his career and tries to have him thrown in jail for rape.

The subsequent plea bargain after the film left both disoriented enough to result in Demi marrying her son Ashton Kutcher and Douglas marrying his psycho nanny Catherine Zeta Jones.

In this film Mickey D is Tom Sanders, who reacts poorly when he is passed over for his dream promotion for an external hire – and former flame – Meredith Johnson (Demi Moore).

The very evening of his disappointment Meredith asks him to stay back for a conciliatory drink and promptly tries to jump his bones in her office.

Here’s my ‘disclosure’: I loathe Demi Moore so much that I never bothered watching Striptease, the film where you could guarantee a look at her carefully engineered goods. But I must admit that at least physically she is pretty hot here even though her voice constantly threatens to corrode my tiny brain.

Meredith sets to Sanders with the ferocity of a horny teen on his birthday, which happens to be prom night, who also holds a note from his date promising to ‘give up the goods’ at a designated time. And the time is 1 minute past that time…

Sanders (eventually) says no, overriding his second lower brain and heads home to his wife and family. OK good move Tommy, but from here until the credits he is nothing less than a moron. Whenever a choice comes up, he takes the obviously wrong one.

Example?

Walking through the door after his quasi-infidelity he immediately jumps in the shower, but not before asking his wife to get him a beer! Can you imagine? “Yeah honey I had a tough day, nearly tagged my way-hotter-than-you new boss. You’ll no doubt hear all about it later… Just gotta wash the old lady smell off me. Can you grab me a Boags? Bonin’ chicks that aren’t my wife makes we thirsty.”

Back at work the next day Tom finds that Meredith and the higher-ups have dug a big clumsy hole for him, which he promptly falls into.

The rest of the film is all Hollywood baby:

  • His long time best friends sell him out and side with the bad guys despite no real proof.
  • The staff of the company all turn either a blind eye or a stupid head to all the evidence.
  • His loving wife flip-flops about 27 times. Sure she has every right to be pissed but try some consistency love. You either bag him out or support him… pick one.

Everyone in the film speaks not dialogue but pure Hollywood script, shiny and obviously crafted to within an inch of sounding almost possible, even when the plot and the actions of Sanders are both frustratingly illogical.

The movie only ramps up the intensity in the latter frames, trying to bluff its way into plausibility with some high-tech stuff and some dramatic music that wants the audience to think that what is happening is soooooo important.

It isn’t.

Final Rating – 4.5 / 10. Disclosure is a simply awful Hollywood film notable only for an admittedly steamy sex scene between two starts of the time. The rest is a desperate attempt to pad out two hours with distractions and ridiculous plot developments.

And I still can’t believe he asked his missus for a beer.

About OGR

While I try to throw a joke or two into proceedings when I can all of the opinions presented in my reviews are genuine. I don't expect that all will agree with my thoughts at all times nor would it be any fun if you did, so don't be shy in telling me where you think I went wrong... and hopefully if you think I got it right for once. Don't be shy, half the fun is in the conversation after the movie.
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