$$ Cash-In of the Titans $$
I’m about to give a spoiler-filled review of Clash of the Titans, hopefully this will not ruin your “enjoyment” of the film.
(For those of you who don’t know, CGI means Computer Generated Imagery.)
- Film opens with overblown pretentious sounding backstory about Greek mythology.
- A kid floats up to the surface of the ocean.
- The kid is called Perseus and grows up to be Sam Worthington.
- The Greek people have had a gutful of the Gods and declare war on them
- The Gods unleash CGI. Many dead.
- The Gods tell the Greeks that the Cracken is coming. This is apparently bad. CGI kills the Queen.
- Perseus discovers he is the son of a God named Zeuss, and his destiny is to kill the Cracken.
- First they must approach the Witches to find out exactly how.
- They’re off to see the Witches, the wonderful Witches of O(u)z(o). (It is Greece after all!)
- Perseus becomes an expert swordsman in one 30 second lesson.
- Perseus’ real Dad Hades shows up, a CGI ensues. Many dead.
- Giant CGI creatures come. Perseus and friends fight the CGI, kill the CGI, then ride other CGI. Many dead.
- The Witches give more pompous backstory, tell Perseus he must kill Medusa.
- Medusa CGIs a bunch of guys to death. (Many dead.) Perseus fights and kills CGI.
- Back in Greece, Perseus fights more CGI.
- Credits roll.
- Audience forgets film before they reach the cinema foyer.
- Film studio counts the money.
Ka-Ching.
If that sounds totally awesome to you I hope you have a great time. I want my $20 and 2 hours back.
At one point someone says “Some day, someone will have to say ENOUGH”. I thought exactly the same thing in my seat.
This is hardly the worst film of the year, but it is in a word, bland.
In two words: Bland. Unnecessary.
Final Rating – 6 / 10. Just because computers make films like this possible, doesn’t mean they need to be made… or seen.
