Sausage Party (Review)

sausage_partySeth Rogen: Hey *cough* pass that here man.
Inhale.
Joonowot?

Jonah Hill: Huh?

Rogen: I said, duyouknowhat?

Hill: K.

What?

Rogen: What? Oh yeah. You know how we get stoned and watch cartoons?

Hill: Yep.

Rogen: Do you know who else gets stoned and watches cartoons?

Hill: Stoners?

Rogen: Zackly. And teenagers and young adults.

Hill: I heard they’re the guys who go to movies to. *snort* hey, we’re IN movies.

Rogen: What I’m talking abut maaaannn. We’re in movies. We love cartoons. You know what Pixar never did?

Hill: Made a bad movie?

Rogen: Phh, Cars 2! Wait I lost my thought of train. Pass that here ‘gen.
Inhale.
Oh yeah. Pixar never made a movie about violence and sex and shit.

Hill: They’re kid’s movies dude.

Rogen: Yeah but someone must have made a cartoon for adults since Fritz the Cat. Surely?

Hill: I’ll check the internet.
*seconds later*
It says check out the Japanese manga channel.
*click*

Hill/Rogen: Whooooooooaaaaaaa.
Both lean forward and stare.

19 hours later.

Hill: Dude.

Rogen: Whuh?

Hill: Dude. Rember what we just said. Scratch that. Japan has owned grown up cartoons.

Rogen: But… Yeah but. But you know what they haven’t done? They never had vegetables and food and stuff.

Hill: Dude when that girl and the watermelon –

Rogen: Yeah that. But I said the food didn’t talk.

Hill: Nuh you diint.

Rogen: But did it?

Hill: What?

Rogen: Talk?

Hill: No… Noooo it didn’t. Wow.

Rogen: So we could do that.

Hill: What.

Rogen: Make a talking food movie.

Both at once: Oh it could be hilarious. Everything would talk. It could swear. It could trash talk. It could fuck.
Could it fuck?

*Nodding*  It could totally fuck. Have you ever seen a hot dog? Man they look just like dicks.

And hot dog buns!

Simultaneously: Buns. Ha.

Both at once: And we can get all the semi-famous guys and gals to do voices. And we can do jokes!

Both yelling: DICK JOKES!

Hill: Should we write some jokes now?

Rogen: Nah later. We’ll do it on the day.
(Reviewer’s note: They didn’t.)

Rogen: We can write a song.

Hill: A food song!

Rogen: That’s what I meant. Fuck how do you have a Oscar nomination?

Hill: Two nominations… Dos.

Rogen: Fuck.
12 hours later.
Anyway should we do the sausage/dick hotdog bun/vagina movie?

Hill: Oh maybe. Man I’m hungry.

Rogen: Too late I already texted everyone in my contacts. We start next week.

Hill: Is that enough time to make a classic that we can release in award’s season?

Rogen: Suuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrre.

You’ll see.

Final Rating – 5.5 / 10. I never smoked things illegal or legal. I don’t drink enough (socially) for this shit to be funny anymore. To me it’s just a bunch of animated genital proxies spouting clumsy innuendo without ever bothering with actual jokes.

Man I sound like my dad lamenting some of my teenage faves.

Fuck.

About OGR

While I try to throw a joke or two into proceedings when I can all of the opinions presented in my reviews are genuine. I don't expect that all will agree with my thoughts at all times nor would it be any fun if you did, so don't be shy in telling me where you think I went wrong... and hopefully if you think I got it right for once. Don't be shy, half the fun is in the conversation after the movie.
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