“This rain should wash the blood off!”
Some cops in Berlin develop a theory that Ninjas not only exist, but are being inducted and trained with the specific intent of using them as sinister and ruthless assassins. One former ninja decides to prevent the lady cop from being killed.
Right that’s the ENTIRE plot for this 99 minute film.
What do we actually learn about ninjas in the process?
1) If an older Yakuza tattooist warns you that ninjas are real and should not be disrespected. You’d better listen. You owe it to your limbs.
2) Ninjas are supposedly silent assassins, but blood gushing and screams are rarely silent in this film.
3) The fact that ninjas operate in darkness makes fights hard to track.
4) Even though ninjas operate in darkness, they are apparently not always worried about being under the radar, and in fact will attack in huge numbers if it helps the scene.
5) Ninjas prefer to fight only in areas with spectacular backdrops. (They really were pretty cool in this film.)
6) Harsh, brutal training drills and regular punishment apparently give ninjas miracle healing powers.
Look, if you are the kind of guy (yes guy, girls don’t watch this stuff) that sees the title and says “I’ll check that out”, what you read won’t dissuade you regardless, as a movie named Ninja Assassin is never going to win an Oscar or bring harmony to the world.
So here’s what you might want to know:
– The fights are pretty cool and the violence is incredibly bloody and gory, only in a “who cares? Way.
– There is no nudity.
And really they were the two queries I had going in, they knew from the outset this was going to be an R rated film, the first scene told them that. They also knew that the only people who would ever watch this are young(ish) guys, so ignoring the opportunity for the latter was a bit depressing. If they had any sense they would have thrown in a few gratuitous T & A scenes, might have pushed the rating up a little. (Don’t judge me, I am an 18-35 white male (barely), and therefore the ideal target audience. Just the facts.)
Final Rating – 6.5 / 10. Like Punisher:War-Zone, this was so violent and so dumb that it eventually lost all impact. Good mindless, yet infinitely-forgettable dumb fun though.
