The omens abound, earthquake expert Lawrence (Paul Giamatti) discusses some of th more severe earthquakes on record then happily informs us that we are a hundred years overdue for another disaster. Initially he and his team are almost giddy at the latest readings that suggest a massive spike in seismic activity. The new predictive equipment is working a treat.
Happy days…
Ray (Dwayne Johnson) has hundreds of confirmed rescues, both in his days in the army and in more recent times as a member of Los Angeles search and rescue. But can he save a city from disaster when he cannot even save his marriage to Emma (Carla Gugino). And while their daughter Blake (Alexandra Daddario) is smart and sensible, she is already an adult and ready to spread her wings.
We all know what’s coming. Nothing brings a family together like a massive natural disaster with a huge body count.
Pause. If Andy Serkis can garner Oscar buzz for his motion capture work in the LotR and King Kong films, then it’s only fair that the cgi work here is acknowledged, for without it there would be no film – or at least no audience.
The Hoover dam collapses first. But that’s just the appetiser. L.A. gets the main course, with several sweeping aerial shots of the skyline and others from ground level peering up at the metallic majesty of the skyscrapers that will soon be rubble.
Freeway overpasses crumble like crackers, multi-storeys become stacks, skyscrapers suddenly have the stability of toddlers, and entire suburbs ripple and undulate like a slapped beer belly, as an angry Mother Nature renders millions of architect’s hours redundant within minutes.
Insurance companies must cry watching films like these…
For those not generated by a computer things are equally flimsy. The choices are taken out of the hands of most, run aren’t screaming or falling off high things seem popular options. For those lucky enough to have speaking roles, including Blake, Emma and her new rich beau, and a couple ever so charming lads who follow along in Blake’s wake, there is little to do but find clear ground and wait for Ray, who has that inbuilt Dad satnav that enables him to make a beeline for those precious to him.
Unfortunately for the countless thousand others that the film keeps finding inventive ways to kill off, they didn’t know Ray quite so well. But seriously, do you really need advice from search and rescue not to hang about on a bridge when a killer wave approaches?
San Andreas has faults as both a series of tectonic plates floating on magma (thanks year 8!) and as a movie. Like Donald Trump it is manipulative, flawed, noisy and potentially deadly to millions. It’s amusing but has no real reason to exist. Unlike that bewigged git it does have its moments even at the most unlikely points, for example when Ray and Emma pilot a small power boat over the crest of a massive tsunami wave (an idea amazingly copied by many others despite the fact that it seems so very ludicrous), or when they take that same boat through a crumbling city.
Los Angeles will rebuild, and it will be destroyed again. And like idiots we will line up to pay for it.
Final Rating – 6.5 / 10. San Andreas proves that The Rock can almost carry off an empty premise even when he must play second fiddle to images stolen from Roland Emmerich’s laptop.
