Muck (Review)

muckIf Muck is to be believed – and I sincerely hope it is – absolutely nothing can get in the way of a scantily clad young woman and a mirror these days. On no less than five occasions in this lazy repetitive dirge a young female will take pause to disrobe and check herself out in the mirror.

What more can you expect from a film that proudly includes credits of ‘2012 Playboy Playmate of the Year’ and multiple winners of the prestigious Miss Cape Cod pageant…?

Back to the mirror-selfies. In one case it is to ‘check the wounds’, wounds that I might add vanish in the lengthy shower scene that follows. A shower scene complete with slo-mo and a soft-rock soundtrack. Then, no more than ten minutes later, a fine young thing retires to the scungy bar’s ladies’ restrooms, with the intent of trying four or five different lingerie ensembles (OK it was five, I watched it four times). Begs the question as to where these various undies were for the rest of the evening, but then this film begs an awful lot of questions, most it is too stupid to answer.

And in truth a woman that hot wouldn’t be dipping into the purse to buy drinks anyway…

Muck opens with a small group of desperate young adults. One already injured. One already in her underpants. All on high panic already. They stumble in the dark through what appears a cornfield – this film is so blurry that it looks like it was filmed through cellophane – and happen upon a spacious well-appointed country house. Instead of collapsing in exhaustion, one little piggy opts to get drunk, another decides to check out the basement (why?), another says she is cold and grabs a rug for a nap (ensuring only that the rug leaves her ‘upper torso’ uncovered) and another visits the bathroom for the afore mentioned ‘wound check and shower’ combo.

Only one heads off to ask for help, and when he arrives at the local bar he still pauses to buy a ditzy woman a drink first before attempting that.

Even though the set-up is hardly revolutionary, things could get better, but they don’t. In fact it gets much, much worse, something that they try to patch over with (attempted) Tarantino style editing and, yes, more boobs. There is even a recurring flashback / dream sequence / random insert of a topless and muddied woman walking about in circles for no known reason. Because boobs I guess…

As for the horror? Looked like albino bald crazy dudes were behind everything. For the ‘whys’ you’ll just have to watch, because like a Kanye West speech; I didn’t pay attention, I didn’t hear it and I sure as hell ain’t going back there.

Final Rating – 3 / 10. Muck is a bland and generic term. More apt would be ‘Dross’, ‘Trash’ or “Yawn’.

About OGR

While I try to throw a joke or two into proceedings when I can all of the opinions presented in my reviews are genuine. I don't expect that all will agree with my thoughts at all times nor would it be any fun if you did, so don't be shy in telling me where you think I went wrong... and hopefully if you think I got it right for once. Don't be shy, half the fun is in the conversation after the movie.
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