Alan was once an elite athlete, until a truck collision took away his mobility, confidence and lust for life. Then his quadriplegic condition took away his girlfriend and most of his circle of friends.
Those that remained include his slightly creepy scientist friend who spends his working hours pumping human DNA into test monkeys, and an overly clingy mother who is more than willing to assist, but demands nothing less than constant thanks and devotion.
Alan wants to end things but can’t. Needing assistance in performing most activities of daily existence, Alan cannot find a carer who isn’t cloying, inattentive or resentful. The solution of sorts is small, furry and perhaps ridden with ticks. An attractive animal handler takes a small capuchin monkey donated by the scientist buddy and trains him to assist Alan with basic tasks. Alan develops a reliance on the little monkey, and takes a liking to the animal handler.
But wait a cotton picking minute; wasn’t the scientist guy performing evil experiments on the monkeys using human DNA? Well yes he was – and George Romero is at the helm of the film – so it isn’t long before the monkey develops a bond with Alan that is far more than the standard pet/owner or even patient/helper, and the film, very slowly, takes on a menacing tone.
Beside that, a monkey vs quadriplegic wouldn’t be much of a film, so Romero has the monkey take on more than a few humans, some of whom deserve their end, others less so. But even then it’s hardly compelling stuff.
Your fear level will likely vary depending on how scary you find a diminutive monkey that could fit in Paris Hilton’s purse without her needing to remove her dog. Tiny monkeys, even genetically boosted ones, just aren’t that scary, even when holding a scalpel. Sure a man confined to a wheelchair might be helpless to defend himself against an attack, but that would be the case with any number of tiny assailants. Even a small nest of ants would eventually take him down.
Romero might be a pioneer in horror, but his powers of creativity and innovation are frequently overrated in my opinion. This is silly stuff that hasn’t aged well.
Final Rating – 6 / 10. Monkey Shines indeed…
