Reasons given based purely upon my educated guesses, what I guaged from the poster/trailer or just my personal prejudices.
There ain’t no science here. I am leaving out Rom-Com’s and chick-flicks as I am neither the target gender nor demographic. I’d love to add many, many more but unfortunately I have seen many films that I knew would suck, either with my wife or another unavoidable situation, (“Let’s have a video night!” Aaaaahhhh!!) Honourable mentions to such classics as Titanic, Pearl Harbour, Ghost, American Pie, Ghost Rider, Daredevil and countless others.
An * denotes the lead actor is so annoying to me that I steer clear of many of their films. I have bracketed ( ) their film that initiated my hatred.
1/ Transformers – Shia Lebouf stars. Michael Bay directs. Doesn’t sound good to me. * (Constantine)
2/ Night at the Museum – What Adam Sandler wasn’t available?
3/ Anything Harry Potter – Kid magicians? Based upon kid’s books. (I love LOTR but this doesn’t interest me in the slightest.)
4/ Meet the Parents/Fockers – Ben Stiller (again) meets Robert De Niro and hilarity ensues? I think not.
5/ Armageddon/ Deep Impact – Big space rock to hit Earth, wonder if we’ll survive?
6/ Twilight – Teen vampires have to go through puberty and find true moody love. I feel sick just thinking about assuming this trash.
7/ Ocean’s Twelve/Thirteen – Cheating a bit here, I did see one. I assume 2 and 3 could have a motto like “This time it’s for the cash.”
8/ Top Gun – Tom Cruise is good looking and fights in jets. Probably saves the world. * (Days Of Thunder)
9/ Blades of Glory – Will Ferrell yells at inappropriate times, over-reacts and homo-erotic laughs abound. * (Anchorman)
10/ Wild Hogs – Four old guys ride motorbikes in search for youth. Fat jokes and mid life crisis jokes for all.
11/ Catch Me if you Can / The Terminal – Dunno why, just can’t be bothered watching Tom Hanks “act” instead of entertain.
12/ I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry / The Longest Yard – Adam Sandler was available. Gay & Prison sex jokes. * (The Waterboy.)
13/ Marley & Me – Owen Wilson is a loveable goofball, Jennifer Aniston is a confused yet loveable goofball. Dog is cute.
14/ Rocky Horror Picture Show / Sister Act – Guy dresses up like chick: sings. Chick dresses like other type of chick: sings.
15/ Troy / Kingdom of Heaven / Alexander – Greased up hunks stab each other.
16/ The Curious Case of Benjamin Button – Brad ages backwards, who cares?
17/ Bee Movie – Jerry Seinfeld is a neurotic bee.
18/ Seabiscuit – A movie about a fucking race horse?
19/ Wild, Wild West – Will Smith wears a gun and makes PG13 references.
20/ Fun with Dick & Jane – Jim Carrey and Tea Leone are kooky and wacky. Meh.
Now even if you want to say “Well big deal, they were mostly crap anyway!” might I point out that that EVERY ONE made over 100 million clams at the box office. Either I am wrong or a million plus boneheads are wrong.
You tell me.
OGR
