I, Frankenstein (Review)

"Is that you credibility? You appear so very faint."

“Is that you credibility? You appear so very faint.”

More like ai ai ai Frankenstein. Perhaps we have now run out of superheroes? For here is a film that reimagines the fictional being built from miscellaneous human pieces and given ‘life’ of sorts (through an electrical jolt), and surmises that he might as well been a fast moving demon slayer as well.

This ‘monster’ might show a well placed scar or two betraying his true origins, but he seems to have been made using exclusively well put together body builders. Let’s just say if I was covered in scars and deeply insecure about this fact, I’d likely leave my shirt on a fair bit more than Frank’s creation does here.

Or should I say Adam. Yep, Adam. Because when you’re targeted by demons, shunned by humans and taken in by rooftop cement statues come to life, Adam seems about right.

Strangely enough, it is the film itself that is a cobbled together mishmash of ill fitting parts. The demons and sets are lifted direct from the Blade trilogy – the demons explode in exactly the same way as the vamps do too – the action is all Nightwatch, and half the cast is from Underworld, and they haven’t bothered changing their performance one zack. Bill Nighy in particular tries in vain to lend credibility to proceedings, but has as much chance of succeeding as putting a dial on a Corn Flakes box and trying to sell it as a tv.

And I haven’t mentioned Adam himself Aaron Eckhart, but only because I like him.

Because I used to like him. The first star to finally nab a lead role and retrospectively  hope the role needed more disfiguring makeup.

It aims for epic but never pauses for a moment to make sense. The battle between good and evil rages on, I never once worked out who was supposed to represent which. Adam apparently somehow holds the key to something. It sure isn’t entertainment.

It seems redundant to bag such an easy target. Like yelling at the kindy kid for not running faster. Like going to KFC and lamenting the lack of nutritional value. Like expecting Shia La Beouf to take the high road.

I, Frankenstein is what it is. And it is all bad.

Final Rating – 5 / 10. How do films like this and 47 Ronin get cinema releases?

About OGR

While I try to throw a joke or two into proceedings when I can all of the opinions presented in my reviews are genuine. I don't expect that all will agree with my thoughts at all times nor would it be any fun if you did, so don't be shy in telling me where you think I went wrong... and hopefully if you think I got it right for once. Don't be shy, half the fun is in the conversation after the movie.
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