Madam Tussauds Presents…
I’m tired of wanting good things for Justin Timberlake.
Let’s recap: Born with limited talent, he emerged from Mouseketeer origins to join a manufactured boy band in which he was the ‘one who looked just like the others’. He then rose to musical prominence as a solo artist by taking the songs written for Michael Jackson (thanks kid’s lawsuits!), before foolishly deciding his future lay in acting. He has since appeared regularly in skits, on talk shows, and variety shows.
And all while banging away at every second guy’s ‘dirty bucket list’; Britney (in her pre-crazy jailbait prime), Janet Jackson (in her pre-twinkies jean-filling prime), Alyssa Milano, Cameron Diaz (when she was still in her fifties), and many others, before ‘settling’ for Jessica Biel.
This fucking guy!
Meanwhile This Fucking Guy with apparently universal appeal continues to release dud albums and dud films while walking around with a big smile on his dial. Since he stole ‘sexy back’ from MJ (granted, would have sounded wrong coming from him), what essential works has he left us with? Or are we just supposed to love him thanks to his willingness to pull piss from himself on Saturday Night Live. ‘He’s amiable. Let’s worship him!’
I’m tired of wanting good things for Justin Timberlake.
So in his latest film Runner, Runner. JT (I know him like that) is a university online gambling enabler who feels diddled by an online gambling site *irony alert!*. Rather than swallow his loss and his pride, this trumped up little douche heads to the site’s head office in tropical Costa Rica to tell the website’s founder “b-b-b-b-b-b-b-u-ttttt I’m Justin Timberlake! I demand all good things! My money back and heaps more. A job, a house, much more money and the finest Miss Thang on the island”.
And because he’s Justin Timberlake, Ben Affleck, the internet’s most forgiving online gambling magnate, agrees to just that.
The job is Ben’s right hand man, never more than a warm smile or a thick billfold away from what he wants. The house and piles of money are both plentiful and seemingly inexhaustible. The Miss Thang is Gemma Arterton – who can certainly make a set of seams work overtime…
All that remains is who will try to usurp the throne from the man who brought sexy back to online gambling. And how. And who will ultimately triumph.
Don’t waste those seconds wondering. There is no mystery in this script. Upon arriving in Costa Rica airport the first man Timberlake walks past asks “you wanna gamble online?”, to which JT relies “hey you’re some guy I know”. Said ‘guy he knows’ then proceeds to tell him where to go and how to get there. Yes it’s That Easy. And the rest unfolds just as intricately.
It’s a paint by numbers affair with one colour. And that colour is beige. Of course when the main character is followed blindly by half the planet that’s probably irrelevant. And besides I’m sure beige looks just great on Justin.
Everything does.
Final Rating – 5 / 10. Who wants to see the boy who has everything get more? With some tired gambling analogies to boot?
