Classic poster. Pity film not quite up to it.
Michael Jordan is almost universally accepted as the best basketball player of all time, if not the greatest sportsman of all time. With 6 titles and countless other accolades, he was the King of the NBA for over two decades.
Unfortunately though for Jordan, his competitive fire and legendary self confidence impelled him to make one comeback too many, with league minnows the Washington Wizards in the early part of last decade. Even in his 40s it was evident to one and all that Jordan still boasted the skills and drive to match it with the young pups, but flashes of brilliance and the occasional gaudy statline couldn’t mask the fact that he was a step slow.
No longer leaping over heads he had to rely on craftiness and old guy tricks. Without Scottie Pippen flanking him on the break #23 was expected to do too much. Sometimes he delivered. More often than we the public could accept, he failed to triumph.
When Steven Spielberg took a George Lucas idea and handed Harrison Ford a hat and whip in the early 80s – coincidentally about the time Jordan was just about to enter the NBA – few expected greatness. Of course Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark just happens to now be known as the template for action adventure.
Over the next decade Indiana Jones had a couple more adventures that didn’t soar quite as high, but were each trophy-worthy in their own way.
Then, with the job done and movie lovers the world over sated; Indiana hung up the hat.
So in the mid 2000s when Spielberg announced that Indy would be once again having adventures almost two decades since his so called ‘Last Crusade’, the reception was both incredulous and dubious. Does Indy still have it in a world where things are perhaps a little 2 Fast and 2 Furious for Nazi fighting? Can he Step Up 2 the Streets? or is this No Country for Old Men?
Well for the first 30 minutes of Indy 4: Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, it seems the right combination of liniment and Viagra in appropriate proportions just might work. With World War 2 long since passed the film is set on the cusp of the Cold War with the Russians goose-stepping up to the plate, fronted by Irina Spalko (Cate Blanchett), a cold woman with psychic powers on a mission that begins at Area 51 and spans thousands of miles over two continents.
Perhaps to dispel rumours that Indy was past it, Spielberg helms a spectacular action sequence filled with tumbles, spills, a car chase and Indy performing feats of athleticism of stuntmen half his age (funny that). When the nuclear explosion blows his fridge sky-high everyone watching could be forgiven for thinking that this might be the equal of the original classic trilogy.
Then, at 28 minutes elapsed; enter Le Douche…
Jordan had Pippen during his glory years. Harrison Ford has Shia La Beouf. Any thoughts of another classic just evaporated…
Le Douche plays a misguided rebel with a chip on his shoulder and a bug up his arse. While this might not be a stretch to believe, it is similarly impossible to like. In fact every moment he spent on screen, every line he delivered, everything he did, made me think only one thing; Dick.
He and Indy follow the clues to South America. They have repeated encounters with Spalko and the Russians, and some old friends including Mac (Ray Winstone) and Ox (John Hurt), as well as catching up with some other familiar faces.
There are glimpses of classic Indy moments, a great scene with giant killer ants, a chase scene through the jungle that is both awe inspiring and cringe inducing (a sword fight waging across two vehicles? Really?). Unfortunately like many faded stars reminiscing about past glories, there is far too much explanation and far too little adventuring to be had here.
There was hope for Indy and glimpses of competence. Indy 4 remains entertaining and could have been even better with a few simplifying measures; remove the Douche, cut down the chatter, add one more decent action scene and simplify the plot a little.
And if you’re trying to convince the globe that a once action hero can still be relevant in a young action hero’s world, don’t end with a pensioner’s wedding.
Final Rating – 6.5 / 10. Like Jordan the tools and skills are still there, but at some point everyone needs to admit that they just ain’t got it like they used to have it. I’ll always love classic Indy, despite a few flashback moments, this is no classic Indy.
