Eyes straight forward. Guns every which way…
The baton of the reigning Action Hero is handed over every decade or so since John Wayne slow drawled and quick drew his way into the hearts of every young man in the 60s.
Chuck Norris was the Man for a short while with his stoic and cold eyed demeanour and his unique (at the time) ability to mix martial arts with the more standard weapons related violence – all while rocking the same denim shirt and jeans combo…
With Invasion USA you can clearly see where Schwarzenegger’s Raw Deal and Commando were born, where the 80s version of Red Dawn was inspired. It is as straightforward and inventive as Chuck himself, which is to say a lot of the former and not too much of the latter. Your enjoyment factor will depend on whether you see Chuck as an Action Hero or as a kitsch relic of a bygone era.
And now… on to the story.
Rostov is an evil Russian scumbag. So evil he makes Chuck’s mullet itch, though that could also be his new shampoo he is trying to break in. Rostov is an equal opportunity bad guy. He kills Cubans, Americans and drug dealers of all kinds. He has an audacious plan to invade America, which shouldn’t be a massive spoiler given the title.
The only thing Rostov wants more is to see Chuck dead thanks to previous dealings which ended badly for him. (Chuck’s name is Hunter but come on, you know he’s Chuck!) So Rostov shelves his plans for America’s elimination so that he might head to the Florida Everglades with a posse of heavily armed men (on those turbine-powered swamp boats that you see in these films) to take Chuck out in a kind of pre-national invasion warm up.
The assassination squad arrive in force and pump 63,000 rounds at a defenceless Chuck.
Not nearly enough. Which begs the question why risk the whole invasion of a global superpower to kill one heavily bearded loner if you’re gonna half arse it?
Too late. Where before Chuck was merely a surly loner looking to stay out of trouble. Now he’s a one man invasion stopping machine. A stubbled and stubborn obstacle.
As the bad guys arrive and immediately start to turn the public against all figures of authority it seems that nothing can stop this invasion from succeeding, despite the fact that there are some 49 odd other states to yet conquer. As the explosions get bigger and the body count higher in the classic 80s style, we essentially tread viewing watermark we await the inevitable face off between the people’s beard himself Mr Chuck Norris, and the decidedly unbearded – and therefore evil – Rostov.
And I got two words for you; BAZOOKA OFF!
Final Rating – 6 / 10. As a teenager of the late 80s and 90s I will take the misguided charisma of Arnie and the brooding intensity of Sly over Chuck’s passionless eyebrows every time, but without Chuck there is every chance that those guys don’t exist.
