10,000 BC (Review)

10000_bc_72There must be a hundred competent directors working in Hollywood today. I am positive if you gave them a multi-million dollar visual effects budget and told them to make a film set in prehistoric times with mammoths, sabre toothed tigers and other cool stuff, they would come up with something awesome.

I mean the cartoon worked didn’t it?

But not Roland Emmerich. This is what he came up with:

Meet D’Leh. He’s a kid. He’s the son of a non-hero. Now he’s a man. He’s not a hero. He’s a hunter. He’s not a hero. He does something that made him look like a hero. He’s not a hero. Bad guys come. They take his missus. He’s no longer a hunter. He’s still not a hero. Now he’s a warrior.

So what could have been an incredible and breathtaking journey through inhospitable and fantastic terrain, turns into an insipid and frankly dull chase movie rife with geographical and historical inaccuracies, which but for a couple mammoths and such could have been made at any time.

Pausing only for an occasional prophecy or a near miss that only heightens the feelings of non-tension, 10,000 BC stumbles along to an immensely un satisfying conclusion that leaves you only to wonder if it could be marginally better if they had another 10,000 years to plan it. Despite this ennui, in the concluding scene everyone cheers, leaving you to wonder how they could be so happy.

Final Rating – 5 / 10. The only thing special about 10,000 BC is the special effects, and even they only exist in name. Stick with Ice Age for all your prehistoric needs, it’s funnier, better and more historically accurate.

About OGR

While I try to throw a joke or two into proceedings when I can all of the opinions presented in my reviews are genuine. I don't expect that all will agree with my thoughts at all times nor would it be any fun if you did, so don't be shy in telling me where you think I went wrong... and hopefully if you think I got it right for once. Don't be shy, half the fun is in the conversation after the movie.
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