Pity the film can’t back up the poster.
As best as I can gather the creature in The Relic was once a living being subjected to a dramatic and remarkable physical transformation after being cursed by a South American demon god.
The creature is then inadvertently taken to an American museum as part of a large collection of specimens and artifacts.
Of course it takes an inordinate amount of time before we learn all this, and in reality the origins are rarely of any importance in a schlocky horror flick anyway – and if you don’t think this is a schlocky horror flick I would once again redirect you to the poster above.
What is important in this genre is the coolness of the monster and the effectiveness of the kill scenes and monster-demise. And sadly there is precious little good news to report. The creature was designed by Hollywood legend Stan Winston, though we rarely get a good look at it, and what we do see is often a clumsy blur in a dark corner or plain old dodgy CGI.
After we finally realise that the physical embodiment of a South American demon god is about to cut sick, it needs some victims, so the museum kindly arranges a big gala display opening with assorted big-wigs and well dressed dignitaries to attend. It also needs a couple of real people to chase it hence the existence of rugged no nonsense cop Lt DaGusta (Tom Sizemore) and research scientist Dr Margot Green (Penelope Ann Miller), who team up reluctantly as the only duo fully aware of the risk this incredible creature poses.
Alas the risk is already realised, the audience are already impatient and practically chanting ‘bring on the damn monster!’ all while pacing up and down waving pitchforks and flaming torches.
If you’re going to make your monster movie two hours long then after the 23rd hint/tease/lead combo you better show the damn monster, or at least have it do something onscreen. (The randomly found severed hand and head count in this film is ridiculous).
You could forgive the deliberate build up if it culminated in a worthwhile end product. But this sure ain’t Jaws, and it’s harder to imbue a sense of fear and dread without a known quantity like sharks. And it’s all the more difficult to feign shock when you have a made up creature that you very rarely even see.
Final Rating – 5.5 / 10. Bless it for trying. In the film’s frantic last quarter hour The Relic tries to gore it’s way into your heart, but by this stage it is too little and far too late to save this particular relic from again fading into obscurity as a mere reminder of a bygone era.
