The Hitch-Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (Review)

When you’re no longer a kid but far from an adult you seek out things that a mere ‘kid’ wouldn’t understand. It’s a bonus if your parents – i.e. ‘boring adults’ – don’t get it.

This is why Good Charlotte and Blink 182 were once popular, why crap like Date Movie and Disaster Movie get cinema releases ahead of The Descent and… well any number of better films.

Why Simon Cowell exists.

When I was a kid I decided I thought I liked The Hitch-Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, despite never truly understanding most of it. After all a ‘kid’ wouldn’t get all the references, nor would they see the humour in a scene where dolphin’s sing.

Neither would intelligent adults.

Now I am very much an adult whether I want to be or not. The intelligent part is another argument… but as an adult I now don’t get 97% of the stuff in Hitch-Hiker’s. I mean I get it. It just isn’t at all funny to me, like the political cartoons that so neatly lampoon public figures. And Monty Python – there is said it. I think Monty Python entirely over-rated. Here is a film destined to be referenced by 12 nerds spread across the globe at parties in chatrooms with quotes amid quotes and ever so droll puns no-one else gets, or wants to get.

So when the opening moments remind me of the parts of the books that I found amusing as a youth – only with any amusement value long since evaporated – and the credits roll over a musical number supposedly sung by dolphins, I just hoped that the film’s target audience of a dozen nerds all paid full price for their tickets.

Earth is to be demolished to make way for an inter-galactic bypass. The alien beings in charge of the demolition are called Vogons – they look much like Zorg’s grunts from the Fifth Element, only if they skipped hitting the gym.

Arthur Dent (Martin Freeman) is surprised when Ford Prefect (Mos Def) informs him of this development over many pints, and reluctantly accepts the invitation to skip town and avoid obliteration. Once they ‘hitch’ (there it is) a ride on a passing spaceship, the duo have ever so many adventures meeting zany beings with names like Zaphod Beeblebrox (Sam Rockwell), Slartibartfast (Bill Nighy) and Trillian (Zooey Deschanel), while being pelted with comedic interludes about ever so many clever and witting absurdist things.

I like, no, LOVE sci-fi. I love comedy. I like half the guys in this film (Freeman, Rockwell is great, Alan Rickman, John Malkovich). I like clever comedy if it’s both clever and comic. This is neither.

In the end The Hitch-Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy reminded me so much of another film released with a long title, ‘How to Lose Friends and Alienate People’. Both starred a likable Brit in a fish out of water role, both assemble a large cast of well known supporting characters, both have a vaguely interesting non-traditional female lead. Both are too clever by half and suffer for it, though where ‘How to’ merely missed the mark, ‘Hitch-Hiker’s is a Star Wars wannabe that worships at the Monty Python ‘2 + 2 = Pancakes’ school of ‘hilarity’.

Then they finish off with the dolphin song again. I hate this film.

Final Rating – 5 / 10. This film makes me wonder just how worthwhile the years 10 through 13 actually are in developing functioning human beings.

About OGR

While I try to throw a joke or two into proceedings when I can all of the opinions presented in my reviews are genuine. I don't expect that all will agree with my thoughts at all times nor would it be any fun if you did, so don't be shy in telling me where you think I went wrong... and hopefully if you think I got it right for once. Don't be shy, half the fun is in the conversation after the movie.
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