Timecop (Review)

Timecop

Everything from the title up would make a great album cover.

This is one of the better reviewed JCVD movies going around, all I can say to that is that most film critics have overly mainstream tastes.

Even though Timecop is a sci-fi action movie, it is nothing more than an inoffensive, carefully calculated studio fabrication.

It opens in US Civil War times, a guy walks up to a heavily armed group of soldiers on horseback who are on escort duty, demanding that they hand over what they are escorting, which isn’t rubber duckies by the way. The soldiers assume he is a crackpot and take aim, at which point he draws a couple of space age machine guns and guns down the 5 soldiers in a hail of bullets. (The guns must have been space age, RSPA approved, horse-recognising bullets, as despite unleashing a couple of clips somewhat randomly they all manage to trot off unharmed.)

Turns out someone has managed time travel, only backwards though dang it!

JCVD signs up as a time travel cop, or Timecop (Aaahhhh), to prevent misuse of time travel for naughty or illegal means, such as stealing gold and scaring horses.

Of course it is a movie, so JCVD is attacked and his missus is done in for no apparent reason.

Turns out Ron Silver is behind everything as a corrupt politician trying to use time travel to wrangle himself into the Presidency.

So JCVD chases Ron and his buddies around some time zones, he heads back to right previous wrongs and change history for the better, at least for him anyway, as without a girlfriend he was getting a little toey.

Once you accept the fact that the movie is about a bunch of guys running after each other through time, if you take that out of the equation this is a pretty smooth and sterile action flick, not good, not bad.

1 – Why is he French?

Meh.

2 – Who is he saving/helping?

His wife.

3 – Who is the Bad Guy(s)?

Ron Silver, a manipulative politician.

4 – Does he do the splits?

Yup.

5 – Is he shirtless in the film?

Yup.

6 – Does he hold poses after the final punch/kick? (Usually in slo-mo!)

Yup.

7 – Is the soundtrack full of ‘orrible cheesy toons?

No.

8 – Are there any other recognisable actors in the film?

A bunch (say 9ish?), but none more than Ron Silver.

9 – Is there a love interest? (Or at least some tit!)

Yup.

10 – Is the damme thing any damme good?

OK, in a mainstream, inoffensive way.

Verdict – A bit like many other films, but not as good as most of them.

About OGR

While I try to throw a joke or two into proceedings when I can all of the opinions presented in my reviews are genuine. I don't expect that all will agree with my thoughts at all times nor would it be any fun if you did, so don't be shy in telling me where you think I went wrong... and hopefully if you think I got it right for once. Don't be shy, half the fun is in the conversation after the movie.
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