Category Archives: B Movie Haiku Reviews

A revolution in achieving brevity in dodgy cinema reviews.

B-Movie Haiku Reviews: File Under – Box Office Disappointments: Bucky Larson / The Three Musketeers / Evan Almighty

Let’s just say that when imdb puts together their ‘if you liked this film then you should like…’ for these films, the list should simply say ‘…anything’. The Three Musketeers I think I speak for the world when I say … Continue reading

Posted in B Movie Haiku Reviews, Crappy Movies, Film, Movie Reviews | Leave a comment

B Movie Haikus – ‘File Under ‘Almost’: The Strangers / Bats / Dark Tide

I’m tired of trawling the bargain bins and enduring the sloppy seconds of cinema. While on occasion it’s fun watching thousands of litres of off-red blood gleefully pumping from a hose held next to an awful actors throat, to paraphrase … Continue reading

Posted in B Movie Haiku Reviews, Film, Movie Reviews, The Grey Area | Leave a comment

B Movie Haiku Review Special Event: Sharknado!

I normally wait until I have a few of these before I put these types of reviews on site. But it appears that Sharknado! cannot be denied. This one is for the Mastah… Sharknado As with most Sci-Fi channel movies, … Continue reading

Posted in B Movie Haiku Reviews, Crappy Movies, Film, Movie Reviews, Special Requests | Leave a comment

B Movie Haikus: File Under – ‘Gimmicks’: Twins / Snakes on a Plane / The Beaver

So this time around I thought I would check out a few films where the poster tells you a lot about what you might be in for. In the case of these three films while there might be truth in … Continue reading

Posted in Arnie Schwarzenegger, B Movie Haiku Reviews, Film, Superstars | Leave a comment

B Movie Haikus – File under ‘Meh’: Death Race 3 / The Happening / The Bone Snatcher

This time about I’m filing together a few movies that aren’t all time awful. In fact given budgetary limitations and the restraints of their respective premises you could consider these Understandably Ordinary. Put another way, you won’t go out of your … Continue reading

Posted in B Movie Haiku Reviews, Crappy Movies, Film, Movie Reviews | Leave a comment

B-Movie Haikus: 80s and 90s schlock-horror edition: Frankenhooker / Chopping Mall / Bad Biology

Since coming up with my part lazy / part inspired B Movie Haiku concept I have covered off on some of the sub-genres that exist at the low end of the cinematic gene-pool, videogame based flicks, low budget tripe trying … Continue reading

Posted in B Movie Haiku Reviews, Crappy Movies, Film, Movie Reviews | Leave a comment

B Movie Haiku Reviews: Japlunacy/Japsanity Edition: Erotibot / Horny House of Horror / Helldriver

The Japanese have released crazy films with incredible frequency for two decades and for all I know probably more. But in the last decade Japlunacy has emerged as a bona fide money spinner, the terrain of cinephiles who consider themselves … Continue reading

Posted in B Movie Haiku Reviews, Crappy Movies, Film, Movie Reviews | Leave a comment

B Movie Haiku Reviews: The Video Game adaptations. DOA / In the name of the King / Tekken

Bit bored with shlock lately, felt like checking out some all new schlock populated with characters from video games. You can’t go wrong with video game adaptations right? Right??? Ight… Ight… Wow is there an echo in here? Well as … Continue reading

Posted in B Movie Haiku Reviews, Crappy Movies, Film, Jason Statham, Movie Reviews, Superstars | Leave a comment

B Movie Haiku Reviews – Undead or Alive / Poison Ivy / Poultrygeist

Undead or Alive Gee I wonder just how a film that feels the need to inform us that it is a comedy *Cough* ‘Zomedy’, and boasts gloriously fake mo’s, a Sheriff named Cletus and proudly exalts Chris Kattan as its … Continue reading

Posted in B Movie Haiku Reviews, Crappy Movies, Film, Movie Reviews, The 7th Level of Suck | Leave a comment

B Movie Haiku Reviews: File under “Direct to DVD” – Mask of the Ninja / Clive Barker’s The Plague / Ninjas Vs Vampires

This months B Movie Haikus find me in good cheer. In recent times I have seen a few half decent films, and I am still basking in the glow of watching the team I had favoured win the NBA championship … Continue reading

Posted in B Movie Haiku Reviews, Crappy Movies, Film, Movie Reviews, The 7th Level of Suck | Leave a comment