Category Archives: B Movie Haiku Reviews

A revolution in achieving brevity in dodgy cinema reviews.

Lady in the Water (Review)

So get this; there are beings that live in the water. Friendly beings. Beings who were once good friends with humans. Then, probably distracted by the release of a new iPhone, humanity fell out of touch with these beings. Sad … Continue reading

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Hard Target 2

Tragedy brought former MMA fighter Wes Baylor (Scott Adkins) to Thailand. Now he fights Rambo 3 style for small purses in order to do just enough to stay off the radar and away from the horrible memories. Only the lure … Continue reading

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B Movie Haiku Reviews: File Under – Busted Super-Heroes: Flash Gordon / Barb Wire / Masters of the Universe

Because not all comic-book derived superheroes are created equal… Flash Gordon To this day I can’t hear the words Flash Gordon without hearing ‘FLASH! AAA-AAAHHH!!‘ in my head. This tale of an American sporting hero thrust into an interstellar battle … Continue reading

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Guilty of Romance (Review)

Guilty of Romance popped up in one of those ‘If you like this you might also like…’ lists. A quick look at metacritic suggested it might be more than a hack job, so I was convinced to check it out. … Continue reading

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Violet & Daisy (Review)

Violet and Daisy are young fresh faced female assassins don’cha know/ They wear nun’s outfits on one job, and dress like slutty schoolgirls on another. I kept expecting the film to change to manga at any second, and wouldn’t have … Continue reading

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B-Movie Haiku Reviews – File Under – ‘Tough Chicks’: In the Blood / Raze / [REC] 4: Apocalypse

Haywire and Ronda Rousey have proven that the ladies can kick ass too, and look good while doing it. It likely helps that the guys aren’t currently doing much to further the genre at present… This time around we look … Continue reading

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B Movie Haiku Reviews – File under ‘Lazy’: Stag Night of the Dead / Spiders / Septic Man

This edition is deserving of scorn and derision. Even if the film itself exists in a possibly credible genre, providing at least the possibility of a decent film, the filmmakers ignored this fact in favour of churning out something quick … Continue reading

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The Spanish Prisoner (Review)

It is referred to as The Process. It will do things that you and I couldn’t possibly fathom in ways you can’t imagine, impacting the entire globe with its power and influence. That said we never actually learn what the … Continue reading

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B-Movie Haiku Reviews: File Under – ‘Weird body parts’: Bad Milo / Bad Johnson / Teeth

For some strange reason we have had a glut of films featuring mischievous body parts with their own agendas – or at least body related parts. Are any of them inspired? No. Are any of them at least touched by … Continue reading

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The Wicker Man – 2006 (Review)

Might I start by saying I have seen the original The Wicker Man and find it highly overrated, though I can’t be bothered to muster the effort to track it down and review it here. Of course my thoughts and … Continue reading

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