Category Archives: Crappy Movies

Boomerang (Review)

The 80s showed us Eddie Murphy could not funny (and how). Interviews from the time showed that he could do smooth. It wasn’t until Boomerang that anyone wondered if he could do romantic. They wouldn’t experiment again. Boasting a Trumpy … Continue reading

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Fifty Shades of Grey (Spoiler-Free Review)

They couldn’t be more alike. She is Anastasia (but you can call her Anna), a mousy insecure university student with a sensible cardigan and budget haircut. She can’t finish a sentence without becoming flustered. He is Christian Grey (but you … Continue reading

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*SPOILERS* Fifty Shades of Grey (Spoiler-filled Protest Review)

Obvious spoilers to follow. Man meets woman. They are inexplicably attracted despite no chemistry being evident. Man gives woman an expensive first edition book. She threatens to but does not leave. Man tells woman he is sleazy and depraved. Man … Continue reading

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Life (Review)

Before Kevin Hart there was Martin Lawrence, a man who found the spotlight despite over a decade elapsing without any evidence of his being humorous. In Life he is almost literally shackled to poor Eddie Murphy, who spends almost the … Continue reading

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The Taking of Pelham 123 (Review)

Pelham 123 is a train. It is taken by a group of bad guys led by Ryder (John Travolta) with the aim of… I can’t remember. Money was involved. Then there was some political hubbub. Then some issues arose from … Continue reading

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Gang Related (Review)

Frank (James Belushi) and Rodriguez (Tupac Shakur) are dirty cops. They kill criminals and keep the money, writing each incident off as… … Dramatic pause… … Gang Related! … Problems arise when one such murder ends with an undercover cop … Continue reading

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Worry Dolls (Review)

A young girl awakens. Confused. Gagged and bound to rusty pipes in a dingy room. She is already bloodied and bruised, but she has energy and strength borne of panic and self preservation. … A man appears brandishing a large … Continue reading

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Elektra (Review)

A ninja assassin for hire. An expert at stealth and killing silently. A master of remaining undetected, despite her attire of choice being a bright red leather sports bra with matching tight pants, that must have squeaked like buggery while … Continue reading

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Lady in the Water (Review)

So get this; there are beings that live in the water. Friendly beings. Beings who were once good friends with humans. Then, probably distracted by the release of a new iPhone, humanity fell out of touch with these beings. Sad … Continue reading

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Miami Blues (Review)

Thanks Miami Blues. Prior to this film I foolishly allowed myself to become bored by ridiculous plots and dull action. Somewhere during the drab 97 minute running time I started wondering if this was all so stale because it was … Continue reading

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