Category Archives: Crappy Movies

The Vigilante Diaries (Review)

Ok here’s how dumb this film is; the title is ‘The Vigilante Diaries’, and the film is broken down into chapters that the filmmakers helpfully label as ‘journal entries’. … Wait, shouldn’t they be ‘diary ent-?…’ Ah forget it. The … Continue reading

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Hush (Review)

Disclaimer: I loathe films like these that peddle purpose-free nastiness. Maddie is a deaf-mute, single woman who is soon to finish her first novel. If only she can decide upon the appropriate ending. She lives alone in a secluded forest … Continue reading

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Showtime (Review)

Mitch (Robert de Niro) is a police ‘lifer’, a dedicated no frills detective who gets things done. As Mitch himself would say ‘it isn’t about sliding over car bonnets or firing two guns at once. It is about thorough analysis … Continue reading

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Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (Review)

Now that the unpleasantness of the zombie outbreak is contained to more impoverished areas, we 16th century English men and women can return to supping tea and being overly polite to each other. Somehow despite that ridiculous set up this … Continue reading

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Boomerang (Review)

The 80s showed us Eddie Murphy could not funny (and how). Interviews from the time showed that he could do smooth. It wasn’t until Boomerang that anyone wondered if he could do romantic. They wouldn’t experiment again. Boasting a Trumpy … Continue reading

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Fifty Shades of Grey (Spoiler-Free Review)

They couldn’t be more alike. She is Anastasia (but you can call her Anna), a mousy insecure university student with a sensible cardigan and budget haircut. She can’t finish a sentence without becoming flustered. He is Christian Grey (but you … Continue reading

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*SPOILERS* Fifty Shades of Grey (Spoiler-filled Protest Review)

Obvious spoilers to follow. Man meets woman. They are inexplicably attracted despite no chemistry being evident. Man gives woman an expensive first edition book. She threatens to but does not leave. Man tells woman he is sleazy and depraved. Man … Continue reading

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Life (Review)

Before Kevin Hart there was Martin Lawrence, a man who found the spotlight despite over a decade elapsing without any evidence of his being humorous. In Life he is almost literally shackled to poor Eddie Murphy, who spends almost the … Continue reading

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The Taking of Pelham 123 (Review)

Pelham 123 is a train. It is taken by a group of bad guys led by Ryder (John Travolta) with the aim of… I can’t remember. Money was involved. Then there was some political hubbub. Then some issues arose from … Continue reading

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Gang Related (Review)

Frank (James Belushi) and Rodriguez (Tupac Shakur) are dirty cops. They kill criminals and keep the money, writing each incident off as… … Dramatic pause… … Gang Related! … Problems arise when one such murder ends with an undercover cop … Continue reading

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